Merry Christmas

You never realize how much you miss something until it's no longer there. I'm sure you have all heard someone say something along those lines, and maybe you believe it, but you never really know just how much it's true until you experience it.
This holiday season has been a very different one for me. I work in retail which means this is crunch time for us. Between Black Friday sales to the returns that come after followed by the whole month of December, time just flies. There really isn't time to just sit and take the festivities in. Down time is spent sleeping and trying to play catch up on all the errands that were neglected the day before, and before you know it, you're sitting in your living room on Christmas morning thinking, "Whoa! Wasn't it just Thanksgiving?!" 
...Or at least that's what I'm thinking...
I didn't go home for Thanksgiving. Last time I was home was back in August, and I miss my family. I miss seeing my parents, grandparents, siblings, and nieces and nephews. I've had two nieces born this past year, and I have yet to meet them. Now, I realize that many people have family that they don't get to see often, but I have a close connection to my other niece and nephews so it's hard not to feel like I'm missing out. As I'm sure you can guess, I didn't make it home for Christmas either. {Oh the joys of retail...sighs} New Years is definitely out of the picture too. After all the sales comes all the returns. I am counting down the days til the end of January when I will get to see my family and friends for my cousin's wedding. I am far beyond excited. I cannot wait to scoop up my nieces in my arms and smother their chunky little cheeks with kisses, and I cannot wait to see my Lacie and catch up with her. I cannot believe that she is getting so big and grown up. And Alyx, he is growing so much that it's hard to keep up. Jacob and Micah are growing like weeds too, and I hate that I cannot be that fun aunt who comes to pick them up for the day to hang out. I miss those little moments. 
I miss laughing with them, and it's hard to fight back the tears when I think about all the time that has passed since the last time I was able to invest time in them.
So, that brings me back to my original statement...
...You never realize how much you miss something until it's no longer there...
Time is precious. I know this and have begun to fully grasp it's meaning over the past few years. I have come to accept that there is lapsed time that I cannot get back. I am trying to fully embrace the idea of moving forward and making the most of what I get each day. Today is a day that is typically enjoyed with family, but it's not what makes Christmas special. Family, that's the key ingredient. So, whether you are 15 minutes or 1500 miles from home, whether you are with your immediate family or a friend's (thank you, Britt), the important thing is that you are with people fully enjoying the moments that you are given. 
I intend to do just that. I may not be with my family in person on this day, but they know that my heart and mind is on them. They know that if I could, I would've been up there. They know that I love them and that's the important thing. 
So, on this Christmas day, remember that we are here only because we have been given the opportunity that is life. So, make the most of it. Be thankful for what you have and where you are (even if it is away from family), and choose to have a happy holiday. Choose to invest in the lives of others. We are only breathing because God chose to invest time into forming us. We are only able to feel the emotions that we have because God allowed us to have them.  
Merry Christmas, everyone!

The Monster of the Season

I feel as though the holiday season has turned into this huge marketing monster that pushes sales and drives up debt and overshadows the important things that once surrounded this time of year. Thanksgiving should be a time of "thanks" and "giving," and I saw first hand just how little "thanks" there really is in this world. People were more concerned about the Black Friday deals (most occurred well before that day) and figuring out their plan of attack than being in the moment and enjoying their day off with friends and family. Even some of those who weren't planning on taking part in the crazy buzz of shopping were unhappy with having to be with family or friends.
Thanks to this crazy drive to sell, sell, sell on Black Friday, I didn't get to enjoy Thanksgiving the way I have in the past, and I found myself complaining about it in my head. On a day that should be used to purposefully think of what we are grateful for, I found myself grumbling about my work schedule.
Christmas  is officially 24 days away (yikes!), and though I am not able to make it home (very sad) I am still feeling the pressure to get my Christmas shopping done. There is no need for me to. In fact, I have an extra month or so to get mine done because I won't be able to be with family until February. So, why the need to get the shopping done? Good question. All I know is that the retail world does a tremendous job of convincing the buyer that time is running out so they better purchase now.
I was driving home from work a few nights ago, feeling exhausted from work, and I noticed that people had their Christmas lights out and the simplicity of the red, white, green, and blue lights just made me remember how much I do love this holiday season. Unfortunately, that simple joy is greatly defeated by the sense of urgency to get things done and set. Traditions have gone from setting up the tree, decorating the house, and baking Christmas cookies to scoping out the best deals, hassling with travel plans, and budgeting for the next 8 months as to how it's all going to be paid for.
What happened to the simple joy?
What happened to the feeling of anticipation for the simple things?
What happened to enjoying the day with family?
Since when did retail get to dictate how we celebrate?
Maybe this makes no sense to some who may be reading this, but these are all thoughts that have crossed my mind while folding the same sweater for the umpteenth time.
I love my job and am very thankful for it, and, if not for the holiday hubbub my paycheck would be less, but I hate to see the season slowly taking on a new meaning.
It makes me think...
What traditions are going to be preserved throughout the generations?
What are the kids of this generation going to pass down to their kids?
Will it be how to strategically budget and plan for Black Friday and get all the shopping out of the way or will it be how to make Grandma's sugar cookies and dancing to Christmas music while enjoying the Christmas light's glow?

I feel as though I haven't been able to just sit down and write. Thoughts pop into my mind, and I think about how I should write about them, but when I actually get home, time is ticking and the thoughts are gone. I miss writing. It was so relaxing to just sit and write while the kids were napping, but I no longer have those three hour time spans to think, process, and formulate.
I am now working in an environment that demands my full attention to every detail sometimes for 12 hours straight... details from how many necklaces are on a rack to how many boxes we got in to helping a customer to making sure each and every piece of clothing is in place, not to mention making sure everyone else is doing their job. It's demanding, but I love it. The part that I don't love is how mentally exhausted I am at the end of the day. I come home and just want to stare at the white walls in my apartment, and for those who know me, sitting still is not my "thing."
I want to write. I want to let the words flow and get out what's on my mind, but all that has been on my mind is when's the next floor set? and did we get that piece in yet? I sit down with ideas but those ideas don't come out.
I never realized just how much I enjoyed sharing what was on my mind. I guess it's a way that I felt connected. I don't is an outlet for me to process things, and I guess, until my life settles down into the routine of this crazy work life, I will be popping in and out. I don't consider myself a writer, but one could say that I have writer's block. I hope it will soon disappear, but until then, my posts will be rather sporadic so bear with me.

What if they were just gone?

Do you stop to think about what you are thankful for? Have you ever stopped to think about what you would do if everything you weren't thankful for was all of a sudden gone? And, I don't mean all the things in life that you dislike magically disappearing, I mean all the things that you enjoy in life but don't take time out to say thank you for them. What if the things in life that get you through your day were just no longer there? What then?
This concept of actually stopping to be thankful for things is not a new one, but maybe this will just put a different perspective to it. There are many things in my life that I would be left without. I honestly don't take time out of my day to be thankful for the sunshine that is streaming through my windows in the morning or the cool autumn breeze that stirs up the colors and smells of fall. The birds outside my window would no longer exist and my mornings would honestly be less beautiful to me. I love hearing the different song birds in the morning; they're like a natural alarm clock. I wouldn't have my car (though if you know me at all, you would know there are days when I would be more than a-okay with that). My health, my friends, my music, my apartment, the people in my life that I could not live without, and the list goes on. It's not that I'm not grateful for things, I truly am. I feel blessed to have all that I do and to be surviving on my own away from friends and family that I miss so much. But, I don't take the time out of each of my day to just be thankful.
We are so blessed to live in a world full of beauty and creativity. Have you ever stopped to just look at a weeping willow, a rose, or a blue bird? Each one took time to make and took a creative mind to imagine and then make. The beauty and imagination behind each of us should be enough to stop us in our tracks and just be thankful that time was taken to give us life.
I think it's so easy to be thankful in the good times and for the good times in our life, but what about the other time? The time where we are hurting. The time where getting out of bed is just too hard to do because we can't stand the thought of going through another horrible day. Let's not kid ourselves, being thankful during the "no good, bad days" isn't exactly number one on our thank you lists. And, if it is, I'm sure many of us would question that person's sanity.
I say all this to simply remind you all, as well as myself, to be thankful for not only the big things that we hope and pray will happen to us, but also the little things that are just present in our day but go unnoticed. Don't wait until those things are no longer there to appreciate them because then it might be too late.

Time...

There's never enough, it never goes by how you want it, and you're always left wanting more. We're all given the same amount of time in our day...24 hours. Do you ever stop and think about how you use your time? I'm sure you can rattle off things you do like get up, eat, go to work, shop, etc, but what about all the time in between?
Are there things in life that you claim you would do if you had more time? I know I do, but guess what? We aren't going to be given more time. And, to be quite honest, we don't even know how much time we truly have. Not a single one of us knows the day of our last breath. We can't plan out our whole life because we don't know how long that life will be. Sure, we can plan to get a college degree, land a great job, meet someone, get married, start a family, retire, and live happily ever after, but what person doesn't think about that? I bet every person walking this earth has a plan rather similar to that one. It's the idea that we all grow up with, and I think at times we come to view ourselves as deserving of such things.
If you can't tell, I've been thinking a lot about time. I always wish I had more, and rarely do I stop to be thankful for what I have. But, reality is I don't. I can't count on having tomorrow, just as much as I can't count on the weather report being 100% accurate. Things change, and it all boils down to the fact that we aren't running the show...I'm not running the show. There are things in life that are a mystery, and how much time we have is one of them.
I've wrote before about how it's important to cherish the time that we have because we don't know how much we have left. And, in a way, this post is similar to that. But along with the thought of time being short, i'm trying to remember to not be disappointed with the time I do have. Instead of wishing that I had another hour to chat with a friend or another day to myself, I need to simply make the most of what I do have and be thankful for it. Instead of putting off plans for when the "time" is right, I need to jump at the opportunities that life presents.

Time is a gift...

What are you going to do with yours?

What is it with kids and hiding things?

Thankfully, this is a juice sippy, but it's worse when the milk sippy goes missing. (Might I add that I detest sippy cups with a passion!) Little Man is addicted to hiding things...my shoes, my keys, my wallet, my phone, my sunglasses, his cup, his sister's cup, and the list goes on...

I swear it's to keep me on my toes.

It's Fall... I think...

Well, it's fall in my book. I live in NC which means the sun still makes its presence known in September and allows the temps to creep up to the 80s here and there. To any southerners reading this, they are probably thinking, "Um...it's September so it's fall." But, to me, a northerner at heart, still sees it as summer. My body is telling me it's still summer while my mind and heart are screaming it's fall.
I miss all that NY has to offer during the fall. The colors of the leaves as they prepare to fall off the trees that draped along the hills and mountains are breathtaking, the crisp air that is full of that earthy smell is invigorating, the idea of pumpkins and apples and spices make my mouth water, and knowing that I can wear cute jeans and sweaters that match my boots makes me a little giddy.
I have been dying to sip hot apple cider next to a fire while curled up in a blanket watching a movie. There is only one thing wrong with that scenario. I don't have a fireplace, nor do I really want a fire when it's still 80 outside! Fall doesn't seem to show its face until October around here, if we're lucky. Sure, the days get more rainy and the leaves begin to change, but there's just something different when compared to NY.

As soon as September 1st rolled around, I wanted to bake more than usual (which is a lot if you know me). 

Apple Pie

Apple Crisp

Pumpkin Pie

Molasses Cookies

Pumpkin Spice Cookies

Ginger Cookies

Mocha Chocolate Chip Cookies

Pumpkin Swirl Brownies

Baked Apples

Apple Strudel

Apple Cinnamon Cake

Berry Cobbler

Apple Dumplings

Homemade Donuts

And the list goes on...

Can you see the common thread in all these desserts? 

Apples... mmmm, I love them. Put some cinnamon in there with it, and I am on cloud nine!

There are so many other yummy foods that come to my mind when I think of fall, but to sit here and list them would only make your mouth water...even more...

Picture that just out of the oven, golden brown on top, with juices bubbling

Sighs... I love fall...

Guaranteed...

In the ever changing world of kids, I know there are things that I am guaranteed to encounter. Things like...

Dirty Diapers

   Temper Tantrums

      Spilled Milk

         Mess after Mess

            Nap Times

               Teething

                  Learning Moments

                    Potty Training

                      Squished Food (in hair)

                         Squeals and Giggles

                            Multitudes of Kisses

                              ...and did I mention tantrums?

Life has been crazy lately (hence the lack of posts). Remember when I wrote about how I felt change coming? Yeah... well, it's here. I am the process of changing jobs which means I am still nannying full time and training for the new full time position at my other job. 

Along with those changes come new developments with the munchkins. Little Man turned a year last month and decided to start walking along with that milestone. He is now very sure of his steps and is intentional in all his actions (especially the disobedient ones), and he is jabbering up a storm. Miss Magee is fully embracing the terrible twos (and by fully embracing I mean loving every minute of driving us mad). They both know how to push my buttons.

At the same time, they both have mastered melting my heart. Every smile, every giggle, every kiss, every hug, and yes...every tear, I cherish because I know that the next day will only be one step closer to me not being with them. It's been 10 months since our worlds collided, and though there have been bumps and twists and turns, there have been many smooth patches and blue skies too. 

My New Challenge

I just wanted to take a little time to explain to you why I have a St. Jude link on my page. I have been given the responsibility to lead my fellow team of sale associates at New York & Company in raising money for St. Jude Children's Research Hospital. Before this responsibility, I was aware of what St. Jude was all about (or at least I thought). I knew that my donation would help fund research, but I neglected to realize that there is so much more to it than that. I am now aware that money donated not only helps to fund research into childhood cancer but also other diseases. It also helps pay for the cost of treatment when a child's insurance won't, helps cover the cost of food, travel, and lodging for the patient and one family member, as well as helps make the stay more comfortable for the patient (like buying teddy bears or blankets). And, these are actually just a few ways our dollars help.
With this new responsibility comes a goal- to raise money between now and November 19 when the walk takes place in Raleigh.Therefore, I have a challenge- to collect as many donations and make people more aware of this great opportunity to help someone we may never meet. There are walks being held all around different states, and I would love to be able to share in this experience with you. If you feel led, you can click on the link to the right of this post and do 1 of 3 things (or all if you so choose). You can...

1. Donate through my page (credit card or contact me and donate cash or check)

2. Sign up to participate in the walk, create your own page, and raise money 

3. Become a sponsor and partner with others to help me reach my goal 

Any or all of those things will help the main goal be reached. What exactly is that goal? To raise as much money and awareness as possible to help better the lives of these children. 

If you would like, you can click here to find out other ways in which to help. 

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this little blurb about what I am doing. 

Aren't they so stinkin' cute?! 

A Few of the Good Shots

I went home this past weekend and was reminded of just how pretty it all is. Half way up the coast, I realized that North Carolina, though pretty, is really no where near being half as beautiful as New York. From the hills and mountains to the lakes and waterfalls, even the flowers, seem to be vibrant and breath taking. I thought I would share just a few snapshots of the sights I was able to enjoy this trip home.

Mom's house plant

In parent's garden

At the lake

At the lake

My fav

So pretty...

Too Fast

It's amazing how quickly they grow. They enter our lives little and helpless, innocent and unaltered by the things of this world. They leave their footprints on our hearts and memories that go with them. They are unaware of just how quickly our hearts melt upon their first look into our eyes or the smile that spreads across their face. Their giggles and coos draw us in more and more, and before we know it, our hearts have been stolen by these little bundles of joy. Each day brings along a new reason to feel blessed.
The love continues to only grow stronger and stronger, and it's hard to remember your life before the joy they introduced. Despite the late nights or short naps, the incessant cries for hours, and the sheer exhaustion, they are seen as perfect. They grow so quickly before our eyes, and we tend to not even realize it until one day when it hits us.
I speak from the position of never having my own children, but I love and adore each child I've taken care of as if they are my own, and I tend to experience many of the same emotions and the overwhelming astonishment that parents go through. I realized today that my Little Man isn't so little anymore. In the blink of an eye he went from barely holding his head up to rolling to crawling and now walking. He took four steps by himself-totally unprompted. He no longer has that baby face, and his personality (and temper) are very well-known. He is capable of carrying on a babbling conversation with anyone who will listen, and he thoroughly enjoys making his presence known. No longer does he require me to entertain him throughout the day. He is perfectly capable of playing with his trucks (he made a "vroom" sound today :-) ), and he fully enjoys tormenting his sister every chance he gets.
It's bad enough when you realize that one child is growing up right before your eyes, but to have two of them surpassing milestones at what seems like morph speed is quite unbearable. Miss Magee is no longer that shy, quiet, untalkative little girl. She is one of the most energetic, inquisitive, spunky, full of life little girls I know. She embraces every moment of life as a learning experience. Her features are no longer that of a baby or toddler, but a little girl. Even now, as I lay here typing, she is on her computer next to me pretending to type away. She is truly two going on seventeen. She loves to dress up and be a princess and have her hair done. She makes me smile and remember how fun life is on more than one occasion a day. She went from refusing to sit on your lap to asking for cuddles.
I realized today that these two are growing up so quickly (major understatement). They aren't even mine, and yet I can't help but feel amazed at how amazing they are. It saddens me to realize that things we did last week might not be done again simply because they will be capable of doing it a different way. I will hold onto the "us" moments like reading with Miss Magee before bed or cradling Little Man right before I lay him down, the occasional moments when Miss Magee reaches up and grabs hold of my finger as we walk in the house or when Little Man barrels toward me at full speed just to lay his head in my  lap for a little lovin'.
I guess, in a way, I could tie this post in with my previous one. These moments that slip by so easily through the day are the ones that I will never get back. Miss Magee may not need me to help her with her shoes and socks tomorrow, and soon Little Man will not need me to hold his hands while he walks across the room. I don't know how long those moments will last, but what I do know is that I am desperately trying to commit every little moment to memory.
If it's this bad now, I hate to think of how hard it will be when I actually have my own kids...

A Little Reminder

Life has been busy. I don't just mean having a list of things to do each day. I mean that life has just been flying by. The days all seem to mush together, and even the weeks are hard to tell apart.
It's almost the end of August. Let me restate that... It's almost the END of AUGUST!!
Wow! What happened to July? Oh yeah, I was in Africa and then I was moving and getting unpacked. In high school, I was the girl counting down the days til graduation (in 9th grade!). I was the one who just wanted to move on and get going. I hated being in high school, well school period. Now, I am twenty-two years old wondering where in the world the days have run off to? I remember so many people telling me to enjoy my life and not wish to be something else, and I like to think I listened to them to an extent.
Why is it that the older we get the faster time seems to fly by? I realized a couple years ago that life is something we can't take for granted. I realized that each breath, whether big or small, is a gift-one to be treasured. I realized how quickly things can change in a matter of seconds. I realized that life cannot be lived by "what ifs," and that the longer we procrastinate to do things, the less time we will have to accomplish them. I learned to live in the moment. I learned to purposefully live each day with an optimistic view.
It's sad how quickly those wonderfully inspiring thoughts can become old news. The idea that everything is a gift and that nothing should be taken for granted is a thought that can quickly be buried underneath the demands of life. It took a tragedy to make me realize this, and now realizing how quickly I can forget it puts me on edge. The idea that each day is one to be thankful for and lived out to the fullest is so easily crushed by the weight of our day to day responsibilities. I hate that I am so quick to forget that I can't wait until tomorrow to do what should be done today. No one knows their last day. No one can guarantee the next couple of minutes, let alone the next day.
As I sit here with toys scattered around me, a pounding sinus headache, a squeaky voice, and sheer exhaustion weighing down my body, I am, for whatever reason, reminded that this life, the one that I call my own, was given to me. It was hand-crafted, tailor made, for me, Becky, the twenty two year old nanny making it on her own in this big world. I am reminded that whether I am picking up toys, wiping snotty noses, brushing away tears, playing catch, cleaning up from meals, pacifying ancy children, driving home, grocery shopping, cleaning my own house, doing laundry, tending to customers at the store, or organizing clothes on shelves for what seems like hours I need to be thankful. I need to be thankful that
1. I am able to do each and every one of those things
2. I am surviving on my own
3. I am capable of impacting little lives
4. I have the opportunity to turn each moment in my life into a reason to be excited about being alive
5. I was given today to do all of these things
It's so easy to become preoccupied by life, and let's face it, our culture isn't exactly one that reminds us to be thankful for what we have. So many advertisements, songs, shows, movies, books...you get my point... remind us of all the things that we "need." Better yet, they remind us of the things that they think we need. Life can be lived without a car, 3 meals a day, a house, a closet of clothes, hair products, make up, shoes- insert whatever else you might be thinking of. The point is, we have so much to be thankful for.
How many mornings have you woke up and thought, "Wow, I am so thankful that I actually woke up this morning."? Or, "Yes, I can move my legs and arms and can feel my toes, today is going to be a good day." What about "I am so thankful for my running water or food in the pantry." It's so easy for us to live our lives as if we are deserving of these things, but we aren't. We are no different than other people in other countries. The only difference is, for whatever reason, we were born in America rather than a third world country. But, who says that America won't be there at some point? Who can truly guarantee that the simplicity of clean, running water might become a scarcity in this country? No one, that's who. We have no guarantee of anything in this life remaining. We aren't even guaranteed the next breath we are about to take.
I don't know about you, but when I put things into that kind of perspective, it makes me think. It reminds me that I am not better than others and therefore am not deserving of these things. But, I have them so I need to be grateful for them and not take them for granted.
It took a painful event to open my eyes to just how lucky I am to be here typing at this very second, and I don't ever want to forget it.

photo by me

I challenge you to find beauty in each day and be thankful for the other things you find along your way...

What next?

A few posts back I wrote on change and how so many of us respond negatively to it. I also touched on how I think control (or lack there of) is one of the underlying factors in our avoidance of it. I also mentioned how fear and anticipation can feed into the dread and create more of an issue than what might have originally been there.
So now my question is this: What do you do when you know change is coming? It's inevitable and at one point in your life you're going to have to undergo some shifts in the norm. What do you do? How do you prepare?
Sure, it's easy to run the other direction, but I think it's better to face it head on. We all like having control, right? Well, running in the other direction or hiding in the closet as "D-Day" approaches isn't exactly helpful in making the transition easy. We can hide in the closet but it will be a rude awakening when that door flies open (trust me, I've attempted this approach). Or, we could run in the opposite direction as fast as we can, but we're only going to encounter a different kind of change and sooner or later we will end up right where we started (yep, speaking from experience there too). Another option is to stand firm in our ways, arms crossed, face stern, and eyes shut (refusing to acknowledge it's existence) but that will only keep us blinded to all that's becoming different around us leading to another rude awakening.
Or.... brace yourselves... we could face it head on and accept it.
*Gasps* She said what?!
Trust me, been there, had that response too. No one wants to face the next chapter in their lives, but I've met very few people who want to live life the way they've been living it for the past 10 years either. We all desire change, just on our own watch in our own way.
I know that change is coming for me. There are emotions that have surfaced that I link to change.
Stress
Fear
Anxiety
Uncertainty
Worry
Resistance
Anticipation
I can't run from these feelings just like I can't run from the change. As much as I like to think that I have my life perfectly planned out, I know deep in my heart that the likelihood of my plans unfolding without any issues is very slim. Sure, the plans I have might happen but the order might be off or only a few of them might be achieved.
I may not have control in everything, but I do have control in one thing and that's how I choose to respond. I can control whether I run, I hide, I accept, I ignore, or I trust. I have the ability to decide what my response is.
If you can't tell, I'm still working through all of this, but I figured I should write a little follow up to my other post. I don't like things that are not certain when it comes to how my life will end up. I like having plans and lists and knowing what to expect. I like thinking that I have relinquished all control, but deep down I know that I always leave a back up plan that leads me back to holding the reigns.
I don't have all the answers, heck, I don't really have any at all. But, I do have experience and mistakes and advice to offer and a willing ear to listen to what you might have to offer.
Life is a journey, but it's not one that we have to travel alone....

My not so secret love

I don't know what it is, but whenever you stick me in a kitchen and even hint toward the possibility of me cooking, I get super excited. I'm not talking like a little bit more than happy excited. No, I'm talking like so over joyed that my insides might just come bursting out kind of excited. Whether it's baking cookies, a cake, muffins, brownies or some other baked good, grilling hamburgers or chicken, or cooking spaghetti, meatloaf, manicotti, twice baked potatoes, or another super good recipe I am ready and willing to hop elbow deep into the ingredients with my nose buried in the cookbook.
I can remember my mom always baking cookies. I swear we had homemade cookies freshly baked at least twice a week. I remember watching her add all the ingredients from her memory, and I wondered how in the world she knew just how to do it. Well, 20 years later I know- repetition. Give me a fully stocked kitchen and I can whip up a batch of chocolate chip cookies with my eyes closed. The recipe is burned into my brain.
I find it funny that during the stressful times in my life I have an urge to bake and wear comfy clothes (simply because I usually end up eating all the goodies).
You know it's going to be a good day if my apron comes out of hiding and there's some tunes on in the background.

It's the simple things....

Inspire...

There are things in this life that remind me just how wonderful it is to be alive. I stumble across objects that inspire me,and I have captured the memories of them so that I may always be reminded to live to inspire others...

Elegant.... A simple flower, at first glance, yet so fragile and complex. Breathtaking yet dangerous 

Bold....Powerful...Respected...Beautiful...

Inviting yet mysterious. Appealing yet suspicious. Each wave brings something new to the surface while burying others to it's dark depths

Brilliant... Sunsets usher in colors and warmth that leave you speechless yet they bring along with them the end to something familiar while making way for something unknown...

As I sit here writing, thinking about things that stop me in my tracks and demand my attention, I am listening to a storm. The rain is light, almost a drizzle, but the thunder is strong and loud. It shakes the walls and rattles the windows. The lightning demands my attention as it fills my dark room. It's as if they are competing for my attention...the thunder continues while the lightning fills the sky.
I am inspired by each of these things. Roses, like many other flowers, are things I cannot simply walk past without noticing. The intricate detail of the petals or the vibrant colors or the sweet smell draws me in.

Waterfalls capture me and leave me speechless. The majestic power hurling the water forward entrances me while the roar drowns out all other distractions. 

The ocean, with it's rhythmic tune, fills me with wonder. The waves as they crash up against the sand then so quickly retreat back into the deep fill my mind yet leave it relaxed. The movement of the waves over the sand that tantalize my feet as I walk along the water's edge encourages thought and wonder. 

Sunsets, with all their glorious vibrancy, take with it all the cares of that day leaving me relieved yet it brings with it the knowledge of a new day that's soon to follow. A day that holds the unknown.
Storms bring rain that refreshes and revives the earth yet can destroy in a matter of seconds. The thunder and lightning. while spectacular, also allow a sense of fear to settle in...fear of the possibilities that may arise in the its fury.

What inspires you? 

What makes you stop in your tracks and demands your attention? 

What reminds you that life, despite it's lows, is worth living to the fullest?

Dream...

            Inspire...

                         Live....

I love freezing moments and making them memories. But, what I don't like is how those frozen moments can pile up in boring albums or sit in a closet enclosed in a box, or kept in a file on your computer. I love the idea of scrapbooking and can get creative to a certain extent, but my attention span (that of a 2 year old's at times) and my patience level really doesn't make it easy to sit down and piece together pages that accurately portray what I have in mind. I also don't like to spend money on things such as software programs or other people to do the creative mess for me.
I do, however, love free things. (My friend and I have a joke...if there's no price on it it must be free!). So, when I found out that A Moment Cherished was giving away digital scrapbooking software, I got excited. I have close to 700 pictures from my trip to Africa that I would truly love to scrapbook, but between me being a nanny, working a part time job, and the other issues mentioned (patience & attention span), I have a pretty good feeling those pictures will be sitting in a file on my computer without explanations or cute little accents to make them more inspiring (than they already are).
I am linking up to her, one because I would love to win the prize, but two because she is a great writer with amazing insights.

You Know You're a Nanny When...

you understand that a head butt is really just how the little steam roller shows affection...
you go to the store with snot and tear stains on your shirt and you don't even have kids of your own...
you sing the words to Elmo's World and Mickey Mouse Club House on the weekends...
you see a child in the store acting up and you automatically give them the "you better behave or else..." look...
you spend the majority of your day asking "do you need to go potty?"...
you clean up the same toys every 3 hours...

you treasure that quiet time between 1 & 3 (even if it is spent cleaning up and recharging)...
you feel like the only words that every come out of your mouth are "share," "no," "not right now," and "how do you ask?" "eat your food, please," and "leave your sister alone"...
you dread the never ending "Why?" questions...especially when they come out of a 2 year old's mouth (aren't
    they suppose to start that at 3?!)...
your morning strolls are really an intense workout thanks to this...

plus an extra 50lbs thanks to the munchkins...

Anyone out there, nanny or not, feel the same way? There are so many other things I could write that would sum up a day in the life of a nanny, but I figured just sharing the things that consumed my morning would suffice.
...Gotta love it....

Change...

Why is it that change is so hard for us? What is it that makes so many of us cringe? I write this from the view point of enjoying the idea of change but hiding from actually going through the action (and I should warn you, this is a lengthy post). Maybe it's because we've been hurt by change in the past. Maybe, at one point in our life, we were a bystander affected negatively by change in another's life and have yet to shake the results. Maybe it's because change brings with it a sense of uncertainty. No matter how much we try to plan out our life things are going to arise that we did not take into account and therefore our plan is going to change. Maybe it's only when we are not initiating the change that we tweak out. If that's the case then I would say it's safe to assume there's a control issue. Or, maybe it's for a much different reason that I have yet to stumble upon.
But...
Whatever it is, you would think we would be okay with change because it happens to us starting at such a young age. There's the change from being at home to going to school. Then it's from kindergarten to junior high to high school then to college then the work field. Maybe those changes are slightly more manageable because there is a large group of people in the world going through the same process, and there's a sense of familiarity to it since we know the steps that follow. Again, I think that brings us back to control.
What is it about control that has many of us causing our lives to do exactly the opposite- spiral out of control!? Why are we so drawn to wanting control of things? Maybe it's the fact that whoever is in control gets to decide the next steps and know a little bit more. (I'm pretty sure that brings us right back to where we started...change). Funny how vicious the circle can be.
You would think we would all accept the fact that we truly can't control our life. Unless we are able to control the lives of everyone else on this planet, there is no way that we can be in total control of our own lives. And, when I say "control" I mean having the ability to determine the next step, based upon the knowledge of what is going to arise, and keeping things from turning chaotic.
I think we could all admit that we aren't perfect. So, that means that we aren't able to interpret everything correctly, which means that even if we did know what was coming next, we could still interpret it incorrectly... causing more change. Wow, seems like we just can't avoid that wonderful little word.
I don't think that any one of us would know what to do if we were granted complete control over things. There would definitely be a lot of self-pleasing acts which would make this world about twenty times worse than what it already is.
There is a sense of fear that presents itself when change is on the rise. It's the fear of the unknown. The little details held in the dark. The consequences or encounters hidden from us that we cannot plan on. The days and weeks and possibly even months that we must rely on something bigger than ourselves to get us through the day. Fear is an emotion present in all of our lives whether we want to admit it or not. It's that empty pit on our stomach that, when mixed with anxiety, makes you want to puke. It's having whatever worries you constantly on your mind. No matter what you do or try to think of, that feeling comes back full force and immobilizes you from pushing through strong.
Then, there's anticipation. That feeling of looking forward to something (or dreading it) so much so that time seems to slow down, almost excruciatingly, and all your thoughts and actions are conscious as to how much longer you must wait.
Combine fear and anxiety together and you have a recipe for dark circles, stress acne, sleep deprivation, and possibly 20lbs of stress "dieting," not to mention the other emotions that may come into play. These two feelings can keep you asking the "what if" questions that can spiral anyone into an overwhelming tizzy of dread... and fear.
So, I ask again. What is it about change that strikes fear and anxiety in just about every one of us? I've decided it's simply because we know we can't control things outside of our little comfort bubbles. It's unfamiliar territory, and we dare not venture out to it simply because we don't know how to prepare ourselves. We all have a little plan for our lives. Some it's a certain job or degree, others it's more family oriented. I will be honest, my plan for my life is to get married, have kids, and do my best at raising a God-fearing family. Sure, it may sound "old fashioned" to some, but I do not have the career oriented mind like some, and I am okay with that. I know that I love to cook, take care of kids, clean, organize, and live in sheer chaos that is a house of kids; I know that times won't be easy and there is bound to be an abundant amount of tears shed throughout the course of time, but I am fine with that. I feel as though that is what I am called to do... well, that is what I thought I felt I was called to do. Now, since my plan hasn't exactly taken a step forward, I am beginning to wonder "what next?" Things have come up in my life that have made me question if that is the "right" plan for me. I don't have a plan b. No one ever mentioned that part of life. The part where my plan doesn't go according to, well... my plan.
There's a chance that change is on the rise, and I can feel those two pesky emotions sneaking up and settling in my heart and mind. I can sense the fact that there is much I don't know about my future, and I am wrestling with it. I am striving so much to figure out just what those blurry patches are. I want to know what is ahead for me. In my striving and fighting (more like kicking and screaming) to remain in my comfort bubble, I have begun to realize just how selfish I am.
I have a plan.
I think I will be good at this
I want this in my life
I don't want to go there or do this
My plan is much more thought out
My goals are much more attainable
My success will come from this
I will be happy over here doing this
I want, I want, I want.....
I'm a nanny, and I cannot stand it when I hear those words over and over again after I have redirected, reprimanded, informed,  explained, and flat out said NO to. Whining is a huge pet peeve of mine, and yet, here I am doing it.
Who am I to decide what should happen with my life. I can't see what's going to take happen to me five minutes from now, let alone five years! I have no inclination as to who I will cross paths with. I don't know what obstacles I will face.
And that's what bothers me. I'm not in control, and I'm in the dark. So, what can I do. Nothing...case closed... But, there is someone who can. There is someone who knows what obstacles I will face. There is someone out there with a plan for my life that is in effect and that is much more effective than mine. My Creator, my Father, my Jesus, my Savior, and my Friend, has a plan for my life that totally blows mine out of the water. The trick is for me to let go of control-to let go of my selfish desire to direct and just sit back and take directions.
http://snippetsfromabusymind.blogspot.com/2011/08/i-stumbled-across-this-today-while.html
The link above will take you to a previous post of mine. I think the words that I happened to find the other day fit quite nicely with this post.
I know that I have rambled on for a while now, but this has been a battle of mine. Change, when I am not initiating it, scares me. And even when I am initiating it, I tremble with every step in fear that I am making the wrong decision. I am beginning to realize that change can be exciting and good when done correctly...and the only way to do that is with God in control. He's the only one who fits the "job description" for the leadership position. He has the most experience and all the credentials. So, why not let the pride and fear and anxiety that's holding us (me) back and grab hold (with faith) the hand of our heavenly Father who is more than capable of walking with us and even carrying us through the sunny days and dark storms.

"Faith is the capacity to endure uncertainties"

I stumbled across this today while looking something up online, and I thought I would share it with you. I don't know who wrote it, or where it originally came from, but it's pretty powerful and makes you think....

God's Plan

Some things are beyond planning.

And life doesn't always turn out as planned.

You don't plan for a broken heart.

You don't plan for a failed business venture.

You don't plan for an adulterous husband

or a wife who wants you out of her life.

You don't plan for an autistic child.

You don't plan for spinsterhood.

You don't plan for a lump in your breast.

You plan to be young forever.

You plan to climb the corporate ladder.

You plan to be rich and powerful.

You plan to be acclaimed and successful.

You plan to conquer the universe.

You plan to fall in love - and be loved forever.

You don't plan to be sad.

You don't plan to be hurt.

You don't plan to be broke.

You don't plan to be betrayed.

You don't plan to be alone in this world.

You plan to be happy. You don't plan to be shattered.

Sometimes if you work hard enough, you can get what you want.

But MOST times, what you want and what you get are two different things.

We, mortals, plan. But so does God in the heavens.

Sometimes, it is difficult to understand God's plans especially when His plans are not in consonance with ours.

Often, when God sends us crisis, we turn to Him in anger. True, we cannot choose the cross that God wishes us to carry, but we can carry that cross with courage knowing that God will never abandon us nor send something we cannot cope with.

Sometimes, God breaks our spirit to save our soul.

Sometimes, He breaks our heart to make us whole.

Sometimes, God allows pain so we can be stronger.

Sometimes, God sends us failure so we can be humble.

Sometimes, God allows illness so we can take better care of ourselves. Sometimes, God takes everything away from us so we can learn the value of everything He gave us.

Make plans, but understand that we live by God's grace.

My Desire...

I have a desire. It's one that has been hidden inside my soul for a long time. It's one that makes me excited and can keep me up for hours at night. For so long I have kept this desire hidden for fear that if I made it known, the passion that I feel might no longer burn. Admitting my reasons for hiding it makes me feel silly, but I've reached the point to where I don't care if I sound silly. A burning passion has been put inside my soul, and it has been awakened.
The past few weeks have been difficult for me. I feel restless, as I have mentioned before in other posts, and I am not sure how to not feel like that. For years I have had a heart for kids. And, when I say "heart" I mean the desire to get involved with the next generation and help them to have the best life they can. I enjoy watching little ones learn new things about their world. If you want to see me get fired up about something, start talking about kids who don't have what they deserve to have or kids who live in poor situations and don't know anything different. Every child that I have ever encountered has only made this passion increase. From a young age I have wanted to help better the lives of children. I know kids who have not experienced the pure, innocent joy that a child is entitled too, and the majority of the time it is due to circumstances out of their control.
For years now I have had a heart for orphans. The thought of so many children living in a large home together, sharing things, and not getting the adequate one on one attention that they each deserve is frustrating to me. I know that not every orphanage is like that, but many are. Many don't have the capabilities of providing one on one time with children. Many children go to bed every night without an "I love you" or a hug and kiss goodnight from someone who loves them deeply. Many children don't have the option of a bedtime story or snuggle before they lay their head down to rest. Many of them are unfamiliar with the feeling of being loved and wanted, and that breaks my heart. It shatters my heart to be very honest. It is not the child's fault that they are where they are, and yet they are the ones often penalized for it.
So many studies have been done that show how much physical affection plays a crucial part in early development, and to think that there are thousands of children out in the world not having that crucial need met weighs down my heart. I am but one person, and I recognize that I cannot provide the love and affection that each and every one of them needs. But, I want to. I want to scoop each of them up into my arms and give them that squeeze they long for. I want to hear the joy in their laughter, and I want to see each of them with a twinkle in their eye because they know someone cares about them.
I have so often thought about volunteering at an orphanage somewhere, but when I thought about it in "real terms" I've never been able to wrap my mind around how or where. But, I think the biggest thing holding me back is myself. The idea is amazingly overwhelming when I think about it (in an exciting way), but it's nerve wracking to admit such an idea because then I might have to do something about it. There may be sacrifices that must be made, and the unknown is rather intimidating. There are ways to do things. There are ways to raise money. I learned first hand just what it means to reach out to others for support, and I was blown away at how many people were so willing to help. And, the best part is that I serve a God who is bigger than all the "limitations" and "setbacks" I think I might encounter.
I want to be able to express to each of these kids that though there isn't a human figure wrapping their arms around them, that they can still have a Father in their life. A Father who will always have his arms open for a bear hug, who's shoulder will always be free to cry on, who's hand will always be there to help them when they stumble, who's strength will always be there to get them through the tough times, and the list goes on. I want each of them to know that he knows who they are and thinks they are the most precious thing on this earth. I want them to know that though they might be living in a large home with many other kids, they aren't just another head to count or mouth to feed.
I have a desire to reach out to these precious little ones who have needs and wants just as I do.
My trip to Kenya wasn't just eye opening, it was heart opening. It opened my heart and fanned the flames of my desire. I don't know how or where or when I will be able to fulfill this desire.
But...
I do know that this desire in my heart is not a mistake. The past I have with kids from many different walks of life was not a mistake. The experience I had in Kenya did not just happen "by chance." Every little thing that I experience in my life is being woven together to create a better me who can better serve my King. I don't know what his plan for my life is, necessarily, but I do know that he is ready and willing to do great things through me and I am ready and willing to see just what they are.
God's love knows NO limits...
The amount of love that God has in his heart for each and every person is inexplicable. It's so deep and so strong that nothing can compare to it. We...I... have been called to look after the orphans and widows in this world. The bible clearly states that.
I don't want to live with this desire burning in my soul. It was placed there for a reason, and by me keeping it inside, I am stifling it. Like I said before, I don't know where or how or when, but I am open to whatever he chooses to culminate this desire into.

For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. 

Plans to give you hope and a future.

Jeremiah 29:11

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

James 1:27

I will rise

I've mentioned before how songs can touch my heart and make me think. I can hear things from people and read the same thoughts on paper in a book, but when I hear the words in a song, I am more touched. I have written before about the tough times that come our way-the dark moments. They can seem very overwhelming. It's so easy to feel as though there is no hope, and it's difficult to remember that I am only seeing a small piece of the puzzle. I am unable to view the whole picture. 

No matter how many trials I go through, I always find myself entertaining the thought that there is no hope. I could be enduring similar stressful situations each and every time trials arise, and the thoughts of never getting out or finding my way back to my "normal" day can be overwhelming. It's nice to be reminded that there is hope out there, but I can't always rely on the words of people, a book, or a song to bring me out of that. I need to remember that I am here on this earth because God has chosen to put me here. I have yet to figure out the reason as to why I am here, but that's not necessarily the point. Throughout this whole process that is my life, I need to remain focused on bringing glory to God's name. When people look at me they need to see Jesus. They need to be able to tell that the joy and love for life that I have is from knowing the love of my Creator. 

Yes I will rise

Out of these ashes rise

From this trouble I have found

And this rubble on the ground

I will rise

Cause He who is in me

Is greater than I will ever be 

And I will rise

Sometimes my heart is on the ground

And hope is nowhere to be found

Love is a figment I once knew

And yet I hold on to what I know is true

Well I keep on coming to this place

That I don't know quite how to face

So I lay down my life in hopes to die

That somehow I might rise

Yes I will rise

Out of these ashes rise

From this trouble I have found

And this rubble on the ground 

I will rise

Cause He who is in me

Is greater than I will ever be

And I will rise

This song, by Shawn McDonald, made me cry the first time I heard it. It's so simple yet the words hold so much truth in them. There are moments, trials, temptations, stressful situations, and any other word you would care to describe those messy times in our life that make us want to escape that cause us to believe that we are in farther than we can handle. The truth that they blind us to is that God has a plan and a purpose for each situation. The times when we feel like we are in too deep and out of control is when we are being refined and shaped into a better person. But, the amazing things is that I won't remain there. I won't remain in the flames forever. The fire will die down, things will get easier, and I will come through it. Because of God's love for me and his desire to see me grow into the beautiful woman that he knows I will be, I will rise out of those moments stronger and more equipped for what is around the corner. 

A Song in Our Hearts

Everyone appreciates hard work. Some of us enjoy doing hard work every day, others of us have to do it whether we want to or not. But, how many of us can actually say that we would choose hard manual labor over the ease and comfort of more "pampered" work? Some may say, I love to do hard manual labor, but how many of you can honestly say you would choose to do it every day? With a song in your heart and a smile on your face? What about if it was monotonous? Still think you would honestly answer yes?
I enjoy hard work. I would choose manual labor over sitting at a desk any day. Even if that meant standing on my feet filing all day instead of typing on a computer, I would choose it, but the day comes to an end and the next one may be different. We think that we have it rough here, and don't get me wrong, some of us do. But, how many of you can say that you do your laundry by hand every day? Yes, every day! Some with kids might say well I do laundry every day, and while that's true, I'd like to know how many of those people do it by hand. And, if you don't do it by hand but instead simply separate and load into the washer then switch to the dryer, how many do it with a song in their heart and a smile on their face?
While I love doing laundry, I have found myself grumbling over the fact that I just don't have the time to do the laundry or other household chores, and the thing I hate most is lugging the laundry down the stairs to a shared washer/dryer (thank you apartment living). I realize just how easy I have it. Mind you, I have known that we, Americans, have it pretty easy compared to other countries around the world, but, I will say it again, it's one thing to think that and another to actually experience it first hand.
Where am I getting this topic, you might wonder? If you guessed my trip to Kenya, you're totally right. I saw what it truly means to have a servant's heart. I fully know what it looks like to sacrifice your time, strength, and energy. I am fully aware of yet another way to show love without words. Like in many countries, women do the majority of the work in Kenya. They cook, clean, shop, organize, teach, garden, mend, construct, transport, landscape, nurture, and then do the typical day to day things that women all around the world do. I am so blessed to say that I was able to experience the hard work and dedication that so many women in Choimim put forth. Five women stick out in my mind- Lucy, Mercy, Lilly, Edna, and Claire. These women not only managed their own households and families, but they also took care of us during our stay. These women cooked our food and cleaned our clothes, shoes, and living quarters. Not only did they take care of all this, but they also took care of the pastor's children while he was away (his wife works and lives in Nairobi), and they did their own laundry and house cleaning. The best part is that I can honestly say that these women never once complained (if they did it was in Swahili, and I didn't pick up on it). They always had a smile on their face and ready and willing to help. They woke up extra early and went to bed rather late, but each time they were mopping the floors with a towel, washing 5 loads of laundry, cooking food,  or cleaning mud off of shoes, they were beaming with joy and happiness.
I was able to assist them with laundry one day, and by the end of the day, I was wearing an ace bandage on my wrist because I had sprained something. I honestly never thought I would sprain my wrist doing laundry, but let me tell you, after soaking, washing, wringing, rinsing, wringing again, and repeating on 36 sheets, 18 pillowcases, 18 towels, and about 2 loads of clothes, I was not surprised. It was hard work, but I enjoyed it because I knew that my willingness to help them was serving them.
They inspire me....

Woman doing laundry outside children's center

One load of laundry

Attempting to wash as well as them (they make it look easy)

The attitude of the people that I rubbed shoulders with in Kenya challenged me to examine my attitude daily. I complain way too much about the things that make my life convenient. We are in an "instant" generation. We want things done now, and we don't want to wait for it or actually do any work to get it done. How lazy is that?!
Next time you see the socks strung along the floor, the food on the table (or under), the garbage can overflowing, or the dishes that need to be washed, try to have an attitude of Christ rather than an attitude of selfishness. It's so easy to "know," but truly think about how blessed we are to have the conveniences that we have.

"Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; 

for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Fighting the Current

Sometimes it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. At times it seems like there is no light at all. At the end of the day you feel drained after fighting against the current of the world. You question why fight? Why fight against the waves? Moments can so easily overtake you and all you feel like you can do is give into the strength of them and allow them to drift you out to sea. There are times when fighting seems useless. The strength you exert is tiresome and there are days when you would much rather allow yourself to be taken under than stay afloat.
In those moments when all you feel you can do is give up, it's hard to remember that there can be a light at the end of the tunnel, but only if you choose to open your eyes to see it. I write this from a personal viewpoint. I've been there. I've been in the deep shadows and dark pits that seem endless and without hope. I've been in the middle of the tide pulling you out and turning you on end making it hard to know which way is up. I've experienced giving up, and I've also fought harder than ever to get out.

My advice? Keep fighting. Don't give up, because if you do, sooner or later you are going to wish you hadn't, and it's much much harder to swim back to shore when you're headed caught in a riptide headed out for sea. But, who am I to tell you how to go about your journey? I am simply one traveling along the path that might run parallel with yours for a time, but while yours might go left, mine may shoot up a hill or down a steep cliff. The point is that though we are all on different journeys, we share something in common- we know what it's like to struggle, to want to give up. We also know what it's like to feel that inspiration and strength to move on.
I often wonder what makes us question the reasons as to why things happen to us. I think we all know that we aren't the only person to have experienced whatever it is each of us might be going through. Maybe it's because we just want to know what exactly the outcome is suppose to be? Or, maybe it's because we want to know what we did wrong so that we can avoid all this the next time around. It's hard to accept the tough times in life along with the good, but in my experience (though there really isn't much) the true good times always come after pain- the best sunsets tend to come after a horrible storm. I don't think the key to figuring things out is us knowing the reason behind the dark times. I think it's figuring out what to do with the knowledge you gained after you reach the light at the end.
I don't even know why I felt the need to write this, but for some reason it's been tumbling around in my mind for a few days and just needed to get it out. I guess you could say I'm feeling that strong pull of the current, and there have been moments where I have wanted to just let my knees buckle. The only thing that's keeping me standing is the knowledge that there is a light at the end. There is a time when the current will die down, and peace will slowly drift in. I look forward to that peaceful time when the waves are majestic and rhythmic. Though the peaceful noise of the waves crashing against the shore are only for a short time, I have come to rely on them for clarity and strength. Remembering the better times will follow gives me enough hope to keep moving forward.

In the midst of my ramblings, I hope that something made sense, it was more a "soothe my soul" kind of a post than anything else.

Freedom

Have you ever thought about freedom? Ok....maybe that was a silly question.
But, honestly though. Have you given it much thought? We all have it thanks to the sacrifice of all the men and women who fought for our country and willingly take the stand to protect us now. It's something that many of us born as US citizens might not think about unless learning about it in school.
Freedom...
What does it mean to you? Does it mean anything to you?
Not only am I free in this country, but I am free in Christ. I am forgiven. No longer am I bound to the things of this world, I am above it. Does that mean I am perfect? No, by no means am I anywhere near it, and I never will be. But, seventeen years ago I chose to believe and trust in a God much bigger than me. I chose to believe and place my faith in a God who is capable of loving each and every person equally, and that love is more than any of us will ever be able to fathom. Not only is he a big God, but he's a God of detail. He's merciful, just, and gracious.
It is so comforting to know that he created me with each of my quirks. My laugh and cry were both created by him for me. He carefully chose what color eyes and hair I would have. He knew what skin color I would have, and he knew what height would work well for me. He chose the body type as well as the shoe size and the placement of my freckles. He designed me to be me. There were no mistakes made, no goofs that were missed. He went over my attributes with a fine tooth comb until he was satisfied. The amazing thing is that he did that (and does that) with each and every one of us humans. Not a single one of us was a mistake. Not a single one of us are unknown by God.
Not only did he take pride in creating me, but he takes pride in helping me discover the beautifully hand-written, skillfully crafted story that is my life. He knows the moments that will make me laugh just like he knows the moments I will sob over things that are heavy on my heart. He specifically made me to have a desire to love people of all types. He chose to take me through certain dark valleys so that I could witness how marvelously breath taking the view at the top was. He knows that things in my life will be difficult, but he also knows how he will use that to bring himself glory.
Some people might think of that as selfish, but I think it's only due to him. He sacrificed so much to give us the gift of love. He chose to give us the freedom of choice. He gave us the choice to love him or turn our back on him. He gave us the choice to reside in his arms and trust that he will be our provider or to spit in his face and reject his love. So why shouldn't he get the praise and glory? Maybe if one us could make something so beautiful and complex as the human body then we could say that he doesn't deserve all the praise, but I'm pretty sure there is not a single person on this earth meticulous and imaginative enough to do that. So... he deserves it all.
With freedom comes responsibility. We must be mindful of what we do with that freedom. We are free in this country, but there are guidelines and boundaries one must follow to avoid punishment. It's the same thing with freedom in God. We have a responsibility to be living testimonies of his incredible love. Yes, we have freedom from the binding ways of this world, but that does not give us the right to do things that we, our sinful selves, want to do. We must choose to do things that will bring his name praise and recognition. There are so many things in this world that are more appealing to us than choosing to live for him which goes against the grain of all society. We will all be held accountable in the end for all that we said and did.
Freedom comes with a price. God paid that ultimate price for us by sending his Son to die a gruesome death on the cross, but there is a price we must pay. In the end, it is a very small one compared to his, but in the present moment of our lives it seems huge. Our pride must be laid down, and we must be willing to go where he asks. We must be willing to say no to the things of this world that seem appealing. It is one thing to say no to something we know we mustn't have and the rest of the world typically looks down upon, but it's another thing to say no to something we know we mustn't have and the rest of the world makes sound so appealing. Love, happiness, peace, wealth, they're all things that aren't inherently wrong, but when we chase after them to please our self, we neglect to remember to pursue just what God wants us to have. Is there anything wrong with love? No, but there is something wrong with it if it makes you neglect developing your relationship with God. Is happiness wrong? No, God is not a God who withholds things from us to make us miserable. He enjoys giving us the desires of our heart, provided they match up to what he asks of us.
There are some who feel as though they are free even though they chose to neglect God's gift of salvation. To them, they are free because they do not have to follow rules and regulations that are written in the Bible. But, they are blinded to the fact that they are slaves to their fleshly desires.
I think that freedom is something that should be on the forefront of our minds. Thinking about freedom is rather eye opening. There are so many things we are capable of once we choose to take part of the freedom God offers us.