My Thanks

There are so many things in my life for which I am eternally thankful for. Not a day goes my that I don't think of at least one thing that I am thankful for having or for receiving.
I am so thankful for God's creativity. The first picture is of a sunset I watched from my driveway. The rich golden hues are not special affects. This is what the sky truly looked like. I was captured in the moment.

This picture is of the moon. I am so thankful for the new camera I have simply because the moon now looks like this rather than a little light bulb in the sky. The past few nights the moon has been very large, and when it is slowly rising into the night sky, it is a fiery orange. It is spectacular! The creativity and design that is put into every night sky and sunset is overwhelming. Both things are capable of blowing your ming with its beauty. I am so very thankful that I have the eyes to be able to view such a thing!

Power Can't Force Love

It's a choice, love. Yes, it's something that we feel, that develops, that grows, but it's ultimately a choice. We choose to love someone or something. It might be a choice made without us being aware, but there is a point where the walls come crashing down and a decision is made to go from liking someone to loving them, from seeing them as another human being on this journey of life with struggles to seeing them as another human being you want to help along this journey of life.
I read that power can force a lot of things onto a person. Think of a dictator or a cruel prison guard. They can make you do things that you never thought a human being should ever do; they can torment and torture you and make you wish that you were anywhere but there. In the end, they cannot, no matter how much power they wield over you, force you to love them.
I have grown up knowing that since the fall of man there is a choice for us to make. A choice to embrace Christ's sacrificial love or to reject it with disdain. At times I cannot understand the system that God has put into place, but I understand the concepts of it. There is a choice that must be made by each one of us, and we are not forced to choose either side. We are allowed freedom to weigh the facts and choose what we think is best. Obviously, there is one way that is best for all of us, but we are not forced to choose that side. God would love for all of us to choose the side that ends in our life forever sealed with him, but he knows that because of the sacrificial love and freedom of choice he has given us, there will be those who choose the other side.
Thinking about that makes me think about heart break. Yesterday was Valentine's Day and with that day comes bittersweet memories. There is heartache and loss meshed in with the sweet memories. How often has God felt the feeling of heartache or rejection? There are so many people that choose to go their own path and turn from His unending love. Oh how his heart must break when those backs turn.
I find it hard to think about God being rejected, but it happens daily. People don't realize just how amazing he is and how wonderfully gracious he is.

Worry...

It's my downfall, one of many. All too often I worry about things that don't need to be thought of. Not only do I worry, I over-analyze. I do this internally-unless you are one of the lucky few I have dubbed as my close confidants, then you get to know all about my mind's inner workings.
I have the opportunity to go to Africa on a missions trip. I know I have touched base on both these items before, which is good because I don't have time to indulge in those topics too deeply.
I simply wanted to say that I am, once again, teetering on the fence of worry and over-thinking. Africa is a far away and requires a passport to travel to. Both things require money. I am doing my best to entrust all this to God for I know that if I am to be in Africa come June 19th, I will be in Africa on June 19th. BUT (says my mind) what about the money to pay for the passport. I need to get the passport soon, so it can be processed without pushing things to the deadline.
I am sitting on the edge of my seat waiting for some documents to print out so that I can jump up and run to the post office before it closes, and yet, I am sitting here typing to you, even after the printer has finished humming away. I am, once again, held captive by my mind and the horrible question "what if?" What if I am not suppose to be there and don't raise the money? I would've wasted all that money on a passport I now don't need!
*Sighs.....*
 I guess I will never know if I don't go for it, right? I mean, if Africa is truly a place that I am not meant to help reach people for Christ in, then so be it. He can use me elsewhere!

The Ultimate Valentine

I'm sure that tons of people have thought about this concept of God being the ultimate valentine, but for me this is a concept I am working on and feel today, more than any other day. I am not a huge fan of Valentine's Day, simply because most of my years I have not had that significant other to be my valentine. To be honest, I would love flowers and chocolate ANY day of the year (most girls would probably agree).
I received flowers last week that were a complete surprise to me and brought tears to my eyes. This morning I woke up and remembered that today was Valentine's Day, and initially, I began to dread the idea of the day and all the "lovey-dovey" things that today usually brings, but as I was still slowly breaking through the sleepiness from the night I began to remember all the previous Valentine's Days. I have always received flowers or chocolate or a cute little stuffed animal and a really nice card from my parents. Now, I know that parents aren't the first thing a person thinks of when they think of valentines candidates, but mine have been for every year that I have "celebrated." They have allowed me to feel loved and appreciated each year on this day that I generally dread, and this year is no different. First thing this morning I received a text from both my parents telling me how much they love me and that something special was on the way. I am so thankful for them and their thoughtfulness.
As sweet as my parents are, they are not the ultimate valentine. I'm sure you all can guess who I am going to give that title to, God. He is the one who placed my parents in my life, even though I sometimes question why (I'm sure everyone has asked that question a time or two). He is the one who has given me the 68 degree day full of sunshine and warmth today, a day that I usually feel a little blue on. He is the one who has placed two precious bodies of energy in my care. He is the one who has allowed the little girl to be extra cuddly today.
I am so thankful that my ultimate valentine always knows what I need right when I need it and never hesitates to give it to me.
Happy Valentine's Day everyone!!

What are you doing today?

So often we, as Christians, tend to ask God what he is going to do today, and we want to know how he is going to use us in that day. God is already at work when we wake. He doesn't sit around waiting for us to break through the sleepy dreams and open our eyes to greet the world. He has this world already in motion. I am not the key piece of God's plan for the day. He chooses to use me but does not rely on me. Instead of asking what his plan is for the day, ask what are you doing today? For me, it helps put the focus back on Him. It reminds me that I am jumping into the middle of something bigger than myself that is not centered around my wants or needs. It's a humbling yet exciting question to ask. Thinking about a story that has already begun to unfold is just as exciting to me now as it was when I was little and my parents would begin reading me a new story. There's a sense of awe and mystery to it.
God, what are the plans that you have underway today, and how can I be used by you? Please open my eyes to the opportunities around me. Thank you for allowing me to be a part of such an amazing story. Help me not to get in the way, and remind me that this is all for your glory, no matter what may unfold. 

Tapping into Creativity

I have never considered myself to be very creative or artsy. I sometimes get good ideas but nothing strong enough to inspire me or keep me interested in the project.
I have a hobby, I guess you could call it a hobby. I love to take my camera everywhere with me. I have captured so many fun memories over the years that would have only been lost in my memory had I not been able to pull out my camera. Freezing moments in time has become something I really enjoy doing. I'd love to make it my art, my creative gesture in this world. It makes me happy to be able to capture a smile, a flower blooming, a bird perching, or a squirrel scampering. There are angles of a bridge or tree that a camera can capture far better than the ordinary eye.
I don't have the most high tech camera or the classes to back up my desire to take photographs, but I do have the enjoyment of framing moments in time so that they can become permanent memories.
Roses are such an intricate flower. I received a dozen lavender ones recently and have loved taking pictures of them from different angles with different settings...

 This is a frame that a friend made for me, and I love how the teal stands out...

Old Habits Die Hard...

...for ALL ages! My little guy has this attachment issue to me (and only me). Now, it's sweet and all, but it's one habit that must be broken. He has a very energetic almost two year old sister who requires love and attention as well. Little man is fine as long as I am talking to him and playing with him, but heaven forbid if I leave the room! Let's just say, I have seen the true colors of this adorable six month old...and his temper! It's hard to walk away when the tears are flowing and the cries are getting louder, but it needs to be done for his benefit.
I think that it is very important for a child to learn that they can play and entertain themselves for a little bit while things are being done around the house. Imagination is something I have seem slowly diminish in the younger generations. Thanks to technology such as video games, movies, portable dvd players, and many other things, children just don't seem to know how to make up stories about cops and robbers or play with their dollies. Now, technology is great, but there is a time and place for it.
Okay, sorry, that was not the point of this post.
The point is that we all have bad habits that we cling to, and we all have meltdowns when they are taken away from us. I have a hard time letting go in the relationship department, and I have become accustomed to eating when I'm stressed and bored. I have a habit of obsessing over both those things. I do it so much that my little imagination can go wild and point out all the worst case scenarios, and while those images are flooding my head, the junk food is flooding my stomach, hips, and thighs. I have "given" it over to God numerous times, but I am the master of "Indian giving." One little thing sparks my thinking and instead of asking God for help in mastering this issue, I grab a handful of chocolate chips and some cheese puffs and begin mulling over the different aspects of all the possibilities.
When something seems so far out of reach I begin to get frustrated and depressed instead of calling out to the God who loves me and cares for me.
It's funny all the life lessons you can draw from a child not even old enough to walk yet!

I am His

Trusting others is a real gamble in life. Trusting God can, unfortunately, be even harder. I struggle with maintaining a long distance relationship with friends who I can converse with freely. Technically it's not a long distance relationship with God because he is there for me at all times, but it feels like it is because I cannot see him. I cannot hear his voice like I can hear the voice of my best friend. I cannot cry on his shoulder like I can other people who care about me. I can pour out my heart, but there are moments when I feel doubt that I matter because I cannot hear that affirmation of just how important I am to him. I struggle with reminding myself that I matter to him. He cares so much about each and every thing that he created. I have to remember that he chose me out of all this world to fall in love with. He chose me, and the comforting part of that is I had no influence on his decision. Nothing that I said or did made him pick me. And, nothing that I can say or do will make him change his mind. I am his,no matter what.

It is now my job to one, remember that, and two, act upon it. A relationship doesn't consist of going to someone when you need encouragement or when you need advice. It's sacrifice of your time, heart, and life. But, the good thing about this specific relationship is that you are not at risk of being let down or disappointed or broken hearted. It's a relationship full of reward and love and grace being lavished upon me. 

I know all this and can write all this down to share with you, but when it comes to truly believing it and feeling it, I struggle. I sometimes feel alone in this world or that I am walking around blindly because I don't know what to do next or where to go. Those are the moments I really have to make myself call out to God. Those are the moments that I have to raise my eyes and tell my Father in heaven that I need him more than ever. And, those are the moments that he looks down at me and my tear filled eyes and reminds me that I am his forever and always. There are many ways that he does that. Sometimes it's through a sunset...or stars shining bright. Other times it's through the laugh of a child or a call from a friend. For me, I've felt it while taking in the mist of a waterfall or hearing the crash of the waves up against the rocks.

                                                                                         

Sometimes it's just a peace that over comes you in the midst of whatever turmoil you are in.

He doesn't make mistakes and doesn't view our mistakes as times to punish. Those are learning moments. Those are grace moments. Those are the moments he wraps his arms around us and hugs us and wipes away our tears and helps us up. From that point on, we can choose to thank him or walk away without looking back. My prayer is that we will thank him and be grateful for the fact that he NEVER gives up on us.