My Desire...

I have a desire. It's one that has been hidden inside my soul for a long time. It's one that makes me excited and can keep me up for hours at night. For so long I have kept this desire hidden for fear that if I made it known, the passion that I feel might no longer burn. Admitting my reasons for hiding it makes me feel silly, but I've reached the point to where I don't care if I sound silly. A burning passion has been put inside my soul, and it has been awakened.
The past few weeks have been difficult for me. I feel restless, as I have mentioned before in other posts, and I am not sure how to not feel like that. For years I have had a heart for kids. And, when I say "heart" I mean the desire to get involved with the next generation and help them to have the best life they can. I enjoy watching little ones learn new things about their world. If you want to see me get fired up about something, start talking about kids who don't have what they deserve to have or kids who live in poor situations and don't know anything different. Every child that I have ever encountered has only made this passion increase. From a young age I have wanted to help better the lives of children. I know kids who have not experienced the pure, innocent joy that a child is entitled too, and the majority of the time it is due to circumstances out of their control.
For years now I have had a heart for orphans. The thought of so many children living in a large home together, sharing things, and not getting the adequate one on one attention that they each deserve is frustrating to me. I know that not every orphanage is like that, but many are. Many don't have the capabilities of providing one on one time with children. Many children go to bed every night without an "I love you" or a hug and kiss goodnight from someone who loves them deeply. Many children don't have the option of a bedtime story or snuggle before they lay their head down to rest. Many of them are unfamiliar with the feeling of being loved and wanted, and that breaks my heart. It shatters my heart to be very honest. It is not the child's fault that they are where they are, and yet they are the ones often penalized for it.
So many studies have been done that show how much physical affection plays a crucial part in early development, and to think that there are thousands of children out in the world not having that crucial need met weighs down my heart. I am but one person, and I recognize that I cannot provide the love and affection that each and every one of them needs. But, I want to. I want to scoop each of them up into my arms and give them that squeeze they long for. I want to hear the joy in their laughter, and I want to see each of them with a twinkle in their eye because they know someone cares about them.
I have so often thought about volunteering at an orphanage somewhere, but when I thought about it in "real terms" I've never been able to wrap my mind around how or where. But, I think the biggest thing holding me back is myself. The idea is amazingly overwhelming when I think about it (in an exciting way), but it's nerve wracking to admit such an idea because then I might have to do something about it. There may be sacrifices that must be made, and the unknown is rather intimidating. There are ways to do things. There are ways to raise money. I learned first hand just what it means to reach out to others for support, and I was blown away at how many people were so willing to help. And, the best part is that I serve a God who is bigger than all the "limitations" and "setbacks" I think I might encounter.
I want to be able to express to each of these kids that though there isn't a human figure wrapping their arms around them, that they can still have a Father in their life. A Father who will always have his arms open for a bear hug, who's shoulder will always be free to cry on, who's hand will always be there to help them when they stumble, who's strength will always be there to get them through the tough times, and the list goes on. I want each of them to know that he knows who they are and thinks they are the most precious thing on this earth. I want them to know that though they might be living in a large home with many other kids, they aren't just another head to count or mouth to feed.
I have a desire to reach out to these precious little ones who have needs and wants just as I do.
My trip to Kenya wasn't just eye opening, it was heart opening. It opened my heart and fanned the flames of my desire. I don't know how or where or when I will be able to fulfill this desire.
But...
I do know that this desire in my heart is not a mistake. The past I have with kids from many different walks of life was not a mistake. The experience I had in Kenya did not just happen "by chance." Every little thing that I experience in my life is being woven together to create a better me who can better serve my King. I don't know what his plan for my life is, necessarily, but I do know that he is ready and willing to do great things through me and I am ready and willing to see just what they are.
God's love knows NO limits...
The amount of love that God has in his heart for each and every person is inexplicable. It's so deep and so strong that nothing can compare to it. We...I... have been called to look after the orphans and widows in this world. The bible clearly states that.
I don't want to live with this desire burning in my soul. It was placed there for a reason, and by me keeping it inside, I am stifling it. Like I said before, I don't know where or how or when, but I am open to whatever he chooses to culminate this desire into.

For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. 

Plans to give you hope and a future.

Jeremiah 29:11

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

James 1:27