Siblings

It starts at a young age... a VERY young age! Mr. Man has always studied and followed his sister the best way he can. And, now at nine months, he is beginning to torment her. He will see her cup on the floor and not care about it until she sees just how close it is to him. It's like their eyes connect, and it's a mad dash to see who can get it first. His little legs will be crawling along the floor just as fast as he can, and she'll knock over anything in her path. It's rather comical to watch until he beats her to it. Then, it's all out war!
When I think of siblings fighting, I think of the classic "MOM! He's touching me!" or the "I'm not touching you...I'm not touching you!" Well, Mr. Man has that one almost figured out. He will look at Miss Magee and reach his hand over to her shoes or leg and just hover his hand over her, and she will flip out! I keep warning her that in a few years he will be bigger than she is, and she's going to regret all the tormenting she is currently inflicting on him (like poking him through the holes in the cart or keeping all of his toys out of his reach).
I have three older siblings (technically half siblings). One of them lived with us for about a year, but the other years they just visited. I remember interacting and playing with them, and I'm sure I annoyed them (but I don't remember that part). My mom did in home day care, and I remember always being older than the kids she took care of. One of my cousins (you know who you are) was at our house from the time he was six months til 11 (I believe). He was like a brother to me. I remember tormenting him and vice versa. There was four years between us, and I can remember doing things to him to get him into trouble, but I also remembering how much I wanted to look after him and protect him. When he moved to PA with his family, I missed him a lot. I loved having that other person there to have fun with and goof off. I still view him as a brother, and I probably  always will. He means a lot to me.
I can only hope and pray that Miss Magee and Mr. Man develop that close friendship. I think it's so very special to grow up with someone close in age and be able to always count on them. The way they look at each other and giggle out of the blue at each other is so special, and I hope they never lose it.

Change

There are moments in life when we realize that things will never be the same again. It's a bittersweet time when the turning of the world seems like it will tip the world over ever so slightly but still just enough to change the rotation. It's scary to know that what is done today may never be done again. Change is good. It's healthy, but it's terrifying. Comfortable is pleasant and soothing. Disrupting that sheds light onto the unknown which causes doubt and fear.
These moments can only be planned to a certain extent, but most of them are totally unplanned and totally uncontrollable. They are abrupt, just as the violent affects of a storm can have on a city, the changes of a person's life can totally disrupt the living patterns they once had. Storms bring new changes to the landscape, to homes, to a way of thinking, but their changes are not all bad. Though the destruction can be great, there are positive changes that come too. There is the development of new growth, new homes, new families, and a feeling of togetherness teamed with support. The storms that come across our own paths can bring the same feeling of togetherness, support, encouragement, and strength. Change is scary no matter what kind it is and no matter how much preparation has gone into it.
Why am I writing this? Honestly, I'm not really sure. I am sitting in my dining room staring at a box of sweaters that I just packed up and next to it are two more empty boxes awaiting their contents to be placed into them. Change is coming. It's a much needed change that is full of bittersweet feelings. In a little over a month, I will be moving from this place to a new one. The thought of leaving this place is very exciting to me (no more bugs!!!), but it's also very saddening. This was my first place on my own. I've grown comfortable. I know the area, have a great park in my backyard, and know how to respond when things happen. All of those things go unchecked when I think about this new place. Sure, I know of the area, but I don't really know it. I don't know how long it will take me to become comfortable like I am right now. What if I don't like it? I am stuck there for at least 13 months! I don't remember being this uneasy when I moved down here. One would think that I would have been even more terrified since it was 600 miles from home. But, for whatever reason, I am more nervous about moving across town than I was across states.
But, with every change comes fear. Fear of the unknown is one thing we all have in common. Some don't show that fear and some embrace it a little too much. But, when faced with difficult decisions or new things, we all hesitate, even for a brief second, because the idea of change sets off a little red flag. Many people just brush it off and look at the change as a new adventure to embark on. Others look at it and see the end of the world.
I have always thought that I was the type to embrace change and run with it, but now as I'm sitting here thinking about packing up my things to move to a new apartment, apprehension is settling in. There are other decisions that are demanding my attention too, and each one of them will affect my life in a significant way. I trust that things will work out the way that God has planned, but I struggle with fear and worry. Those two things tag team me more than anything else. I want a new place. I want a new way of decorating and new space to fill, but I want to do it all without trying to become accustomed to that new living space (I also don't want to pack and unpack again either).
Proverbs 20:24 says, "A man's steps are ordained by the Lord. How then can anyone understand his own way?" I don't know what he has planned next for me, but I can know for a fact that he knew all this would be presenting itself to me. He knew when, and he knew how I would react. Nothing surprises him.
Psalm 33:11 says, "But the plans of the Lord stand firm forever, the purposes of his heart through all generations." I have always understood the concept of God always being there, but this verse is concrete evidence for me. He has a plan. He has a plan that involves me, and he is not surprised by anything because he has known for generations that it would all happen.
Change is inevitable and sometimes paralyzing, but it doesn't have to be. I am still slowly coming to understand that. Though it has taken me a great deal of time, I realize that God is going no where. He loves me and has taken the time to plan out my life. And, though I feel as if I deserve to know all the details,  I don't. Instead, I need to focus on trusting him and embracing the change that he chooses to bring my way. There is a rhyme and reason to every change, I just don't fully realize what all of them are yet.
If this seems a bit rambly, I apologize. I guess, in a way, it is, but this was snippet of a larger thought process going on in my mind, and I thought I'd share.

Grace and Me

"For by the grace of God I am what I am and his grace to me was not without effect." 1 Corinthians 15:10
I am not perfect. I am reminded daily of my flaws. Satan is so very faithful to point out my mistakes both past and present, and he is continuously there ready to jump at any opportunity to remind me that I will fail sooner or later at something. There are days that I allow myself to feed into those lies, but deep down, I know they are not true.
The mistakes that I have made, and have yet to make, are only a part of a plan bigger than I can fathom. It is only by God's grace that I am even here to partake in it. There is nothing worthy about me, or anyone else, but God loves us. He chose me to be his little girl. He chose me to hold his hand and walk with him. He chose me despite all the things he knew I would do, despite my stubborn tendencies, and despite my desire to have things under my control. He chose me because he knows what I am capable of doing (even though I often wonder just what that is). He chose me to take pride in, and he is the only one who will not fade away. His grace is not conditional. It is everlasting. He has not walked away from me, and he never will.
There is nothing I can do to make him let me go, and that thought is so relieving. But, at the same time, it does not give me the right to do whatever I wish. The last part of that verse says that his grace to me was not without effect, and it's true. Simply knowing how much he willingly went through to have me is so very humbling. There is not a single thing on this earth that I can do to make it up to him. I am forever thankful for his decision to choose me.
As I sit here writing after a busy day at the mini zoo/science center and crazy family lunch, I can feel my headache pounding, and all I honestly want right now is chocolate... actually raisinets. I would like a few minutes to myself to sit and write and just stare at my very long to do list. And, as I sit here pondering what to write next, I am also listening to the sad little cries echoing from the baby monitor. Part of me is counting down the hours until I get to go home and be kid free for a few hours before returning tomorrow.
It's the teeth. Those wretched little things that we all use daily are now painfully popping their way through the gums of poor little Mr. Man.  He was up at 5, slept 45 minutes in the morning, and is now ready to go after only an hour and a half nap. Little does he know, I'm not ready for his little hands and feet to be crawling around just yet. In my mind, I think I deserve more time to just write and stare and figure out how to get rid of this headache, but in his mind it's time to get up cuddle and then skillfully destroy the house while flashing his cute little smile.
In my selfishness, I keep telling myself just a few more minutes, but Mr. Man wouldn't be in my life if it weren't for God's provision. So, it's my turn to show grace to this little monster whom I love so dearly.

Waiting...

Patience. From a young age, we are told to be patient- to wait. Let me tell you a little secret... I don't do so well with waiting. I'm not impatient about everything, but there are times and things that make me one of the most impatient people on the planet!
I'm sure that I have written about this wonderful topic before, but until I master it, I will be struggling with it daily.
During my bible study on Thursday, we were discussing James 5, and in one of our discussions, Job came up. And in the course of talking about Job, the topic of patience arose. I have been reading in the Old Testament the past month, and it hit me. So many people in the Old Testament had to wait for things they wanted or were promised. Abraham was told that he would be the Father of nations, that his children would be as many as the stars. And yet, Sarah, his wife, was older than the childbearing age. Sarah wanted children but was unable to, so rather than being patient, she took it upon herself to use her maid to have kids through. Then when God told Abraham that he and Sarah would have a son together, Sarah laughed because it was a ridiculous idea for someone at her age. Then you have Rachel who didn't trust that God would allow her to have children, so, she to, offered her maidservant to her husband so that she could have kids through her.
Simeon was told that he would see the Messiah before he died, but he was never told how old he would be when that happened. Of course, there's Job who had everything ripped away from him and waited in agony to see where God was going to take him. The Israelites were told that they would enter the promise land, but they became impatient and chose to take things into their own hands which caused them to roam around the desert for another 40 years!
All these people got what they were promised. Abraham and Sarah did have a son, Isaac, through whom a nation was built just as God had promised. Rachel was able to have a son, Joseph. Job was given double what was taken from him, Simeon was able to see the Messiah before he died (and he was rather old when it happened!), and, the Israelites did finally make it to the promise land just as God had promised to them.
All these things happened, but it took time, some longer than others because they were impatient and tried to accomplish it on their own.
We have been given a promise from God. Psalm 37:4 says to "Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart."  Jeremiah 29:11- says, "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
I know these verses, but there are times when I choose to push them into the back of my mind in an effort to speed up the process. But, just like everyone else, I only slow the process. The plans that I have for my life should line up with what God's plans are for me. And, I honestly want what he wants. He is the author of my life. He is the one who knows the ins and outs of me, as well as, the details of every situation that I will ever face. Patience is something that everyone deals with. It's one of those never ending life lessons.
But, when you think about things that take time, you end up discovering things that are beautiful. Flowers take time to grow and bloom, waterfalls depend on rain for their power and that rain may take years to come, and powerful storms take the combination of just the right fronts coming together.
It's a daily decision that I must make, but if waiting for His timing will result in an amazing life that I love, then it's one worth waiting for.

It's in the Jeans

I think it's in every girl's jeans to be a princess. All through my childhood and high school years and now in my twenties, I love to dress up. I love to put on a pair of heels and feel sophisticated. I don't like wearing all the make-up that others might choose to put on, but give me a dress and cute shoes and I'm happy! Don't get me wrong, I love to wear jeans, a t-shirt, and sneakers too.
Today, it became very obvious to me that little girls, when given the opportunity, will act like a princess. I'm not talking about the snotty-the whole world revolves around me-drama (though that often is present). I'm talking about dressing up and walking around feeling special. Miss Magee has a purple lace tutu, heels, a wand, jewelry, and a tiara. Occasionally, she will put it on and prance around the house. Today, she put on the heels and tiara and grabbed the wand loudly pronounced, "I'mma pinshess!" And such a pretty princess she was. I couldn't help but laugh and smile.
I have also been reminded that boys and girls do everything differently. Little girls tend to be nurturing; they might throw the ball and hit another kid, but they're more likely to apologize or soothe that kid afterward. Boys, on the other hand, are more like "go hard or go home." If they hit another kid, their response is usually to walk away, laugh, or tell the kid to get over it. Boys and girls both might play with the same items, but boys put sound affects to it. Miss Magee was playing with a couple cars on a track and not a single car noise was coming from her. You give those cars to the little neighbor boy and it will sound like the cars are alive!
I love noticing the differences.

Happy Mother's Day, Mom

From whining and dirty diapers, to crying and moving out, my mom has been there for me through it all. She has never given up on me even when most other's probably would've. Even though we don't always see eye to eye (okay, more often than not), and even though we tend (I tend) to argue over things, she loves me. I am so thankful that God blessed me with a mother who is just as stubborn as I am. Any other mother probably wouldn't have been able to put up with me.
Happy Mother's Day, Mom. I love you and thank you for all you have done and will do for me. I wish I was there to give you a hug and tell you thank you. I hope you have a wonderful day, and thank you for loving me no matter how many mistakes I make. Thank you for seeing the beauty behind the imperfections. Love you!!

Love you!

Stressin...

I have come to realize that I am so use to living with stress that I rarely notice when it takes over my life. Only when multiple things come at me at once do I notice just how far under I am. Giving up control is not one of my strong suits. I am a stubborn, independent, and driven person who likes things done right the first way, my way. I know that this makes me sound like a horrible person that no one would want to be around, but it really isn't to that much of an extreme.
I woke up this morning, and the morning before that, with this dreadful feeling. I didn't really know why, so I ignored it, rolled over, and cuddled my pillow for another ten minutes before finally dragging myself out of bed. As the day progressed, it dawned on me that the dreadful feeling was tied to events in my life that are coming up. I have been in search of a new apartment since my rent is being raised July 1st, but I haven't been too serious about it simply because I new I was stuck where I am until the end of June. Yesterday, I realized that I have four weekends to find an apartment, pack up my apartment, and move into the new apartment by the end of June. Can you say, FREAK OUT!!! Thanks to my job, I can't exactly look at apartments during the week by myself, unless I took two little kids with me which I'm sure would not enthuse my potential landlords. I am so thankful that my friend Dani is coming up next week to help me wrangle the kiddos while I attempt to find the perfect new apartment.
Not only did I realize that time is dwindling, but I also realized that there is no way that I could move out of the old and into the new during June without paying rent for both places. So, I'm stuck. Do I pay the higher rent for the one month at the old apartment (which had yet another roach looking bug on my kitchen floor!) or do I bite the bullet and pay for two apartments? Or, do I beg my current landlords to let me stay a few days into the month of July so that I can move out without paying extra rent? The thought of all this is simply making my head pound.
On top of all that, my car is making noises when the breaks are applied (yet again), and the a/c and heat make it shudder. My trip to Africa is approaching quickly, along with the money due date. I still need to get two more shots, and I need to get my prescription for the malaria and typhoid pills. I have my online classes to finish, and I have to figure out what I'm doing this fall. Then there's the little things in life that everyone deals with, and to top it all off, little man is teething the next round of teeth- he wants to snuggle, yet pushes away, yet screams when you set him down, yet wiggles out of your arms when you hold him. Oh the joys of life with kids! I can't help but laugh though, which is probably the only thing saving my sanity!
I know that things will all work out; they always do. But, the timing in which it happens is proving to not be in my time frame. I want all my ducks in a row and right now I feel like they're scattered all around the nation!
I was reading a book to Miss Magee today, and it mentioned that God has his children's names written on his hand. I write things on my hand all the time to help my crammed little brain remember all that needs to be done. Every time I look down on it, I am reminded of the next thing on my agenda. If my name is written on his hand, it means I'm something worth remembering!
I found some verses that helped remind me to just stop stressing.
Matthew 10:29-31 says, "Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father's care. And even the very hairs on your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows."
I Peter 5:7 says to cast all our cares up Him because he cares for you.
Matthew 6:27 says, "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"
Wow! That's all I can say. The first passage in Matthew 10 reminds me that if God can take the time out to provide for and look after and protect the sparrows, then he most definitely cares about me who is made in his image. I Peter helps me refocus on just where my worries should be. They should be given up to him. He is the author and sustainer of life, the creator of all things. He knows how to solve any problem, big or small, in this life, and he is willing to do so! I, on the other hand, can do nothing compared to him.
And the last verse in Matthew 6 is like a slap in the face. Worry is a waste of time. Instead of worrying, I should be actively praying and giving up control. I do not think that it is our job to give it up and sit back. I think we should give it up to Him and be aware of things surrounding us that can help.
These verses help refresh me, and writing this post has helped me clear out my mind. But, stressing is something I must daily work on. Worrying and stressing are sinful. It is my responsibility to trust in God to provide for my needs in his perfect timing.

A Few of the Good Things

I have been thinking a lot about things that I am thankful for and wanted to share a few. I know that many people have taken the time out to mention these thanksgivings around Thanksgiving time, but I think it's important to recognize these things every day.

My camera

Beautiful Flowers

My Family (there are a few missing from this picture)

The Ocean

Baking

Goofy Friendships

The Sunrise

Waterfalls

Sunsets

These are just a few things that I am so thankful for. Each of these bring a smile to my face, and I feel so blessed to be able to experience them.

Big Accomplishments for Little People

It's the little accomplishments in life that I have come to appreciate. They are the things that most of us without kids in our life would not even think about. But when you spend the better half of your life with kids each day, you come to notice these little things. Things like learning how to play by yourself, eat by yourself, sit up by yourself, vocalize what you want, crawl, pull your pants up, get your shoes and socks, put those shoes and socks on by yourself, and pick up your own things. It's things like this that are huge accomplishments in my book. I greatly appreciate them from a selfish perspective because it makes my life easier when taking care of multiple children with a busy schedule.
There are other things that are just as important to me. Popping teeth through, learning to pray, learning to recognize shapes and colors, being able to count, understanding the difference between yes and no, knowing when to say please and thank you, learning to obey, and learning the importance of a clean and organized house are just a few that I am thankful for.
All these things tend to go unnoticed, even to those submersed in a child's life, simply because they are all things that everyone must (or at least should) learn. I was just thinking about all these things while I was loading the kid's dishes into the dishwasher while both kids entertained themselves. I was thankful for the split second of "freedom" to be able to keep the kitchen clean.
Take time out to think about the little milestones or accomplishments in your life or the life of someone close to you. I can guarantee you it will make you a little bit happier today!

Kids and Food

Food. Let's face it. I love food, and I know a lot of other people that would agree with me. Most adults aren't picky when it comes to food. Half the time, we are so busy that it's a hunt through the cupboards and frig to find something quick and easy. Kids, on the other hand, are different. They are still exploring the wonderful world of tasty food. Of all my years of taking care of kids, I have never come across one that hasn't had some issue with food. There's the picky eater, the meager eater, and the over eater. How can you know when the over eater is truly full or if the meager eater has eaten their fill? Or, are they truly hungry or just bored? I know I eat out of boredom all the time. "When in doubt...eat food" seems to be the motto for my brain.
The two kids that I have now both seem to always have a starving stomach. Miss Magee will munch on cereal between 7:30 and 9, eat breakfast (consisting of pancakes, eggs, waffles, more cereal, or yogurt) while I feed Little Man, then by 11 she wants more food. She usually has lunch at noon and tends to eat more than I do and then finally goes down for a nap, but you can bet that the first few words out of her mouth after nap will be "snack?". She's not extremely picky about food, but she wants to eat what she suggests, not what I suggest. With her, I don't know if she's bored or hungry. At times, an ultimatum suffices, and we go outside to do something, other times it's like WW3 to get her out of the kitchen. Then, when I do let her eat something, half way through she's ready to move onto the next thing. I have yet to perfect reasoning with a 2 year old.
Then there's Little Man who is truly just beginning the food exploration. He loves his bottle, and thankfully they are scheduled so we both know when they're coming. Baby food is yet another adventure I get to embark on while Miss Magee is creating WW3 in the background. Thankfully the spitting and attempting to grab the spoon have not yet begun, simply because he just loves food, but my luck those wonderful things are not too far away! So far, fruits are a definite love of his (as is with most babies), and he likes butternut squash but not the regular squash, and occasionally he will eat peas and sweet potatoes. The wonderful meals that come all together, you know...the vegetable dinner, beef stew, chicken and rice, or turkey and rice, are a no go in his mind. One spoonful of them, and all you get is tears, crying, and whining for something better. But, I can't blame him. The stuff smells like cat food! *Poor kids* He does love his cheerios and puffs (as does his sister), and they are my saving grace the rest of the time in between feedings.
I really have no specific reason as to why I decided to post on such a topic, other than because this is what I deal with daily. I have come to find the face of refusal and dislike as comical, and the challenge of finding new foods they will like as an adventure.