Stressin...

I have come to realize that I am so use to living with stress that I rarely notice when it takes over my life. Only when multiple things come at me at once do I notice just how far under I am. Giving up control is not one of my strong suits. I am a stubborn, independent, and driven person who likes things done right the first way, my way. I know that this makes me sound like a horrible person that no one would want to be around, but it really isn't to that much of an extreme.
I woke up this morning, and the morning before that, with this dreadful feeling. I didn't really know why, so I ignored it, rolled over, and cuddled my pillow for another ten minutes before finally dragging myself out of bed. As the day progressed, it dawned on me that the dreadful feeling was tied to events in my life that are coming up. I have been in search of a new apartment since my rent is being raised July 1st, but I haven't been too serious about it simply because I new I was stuck where I am until the end of June. Yesterday, I realized that I have four weekends to find an apartment, pack up my apartment, and move into the new apartment by the end of June. Can you say, FREAK OUT!!! Thanks to my job, I can't exactly look at apartments during the week by myself, unless I took two little kids with me which I'm sure would not enthuse my potential landlords. I am so thankful that my friend Dani is coming up next week to help me wrangle the kiddos while I attempt to find the perfect new apartment.
Not only did I realize that time is dwindling, but I also realized that there is no way that I could move out of the old and into the new during June without paying rent for both places. So, I'm stuck. Do I pay the higher rent for the one month at the old apartment (which had yet another roach looking bug on my kitchen floor!) or do I bite the bullet and pay for two apartments? Or, do I beg my current landlords to let me stay a few days into the month of July so that I can move out without paying extra rent? The thought of all this is simply making my head pound.
On top of all that, my car is making noises when the breaks are applied (yet again), and the a/c and heat make it shudder. My trip to Africa is approaching quickly, along with the money due date. I still need to get two more shots, and I need to get my prescription for the malaria and typhoid pills. I have my online classes to finish, and I have to figure out what I'm doing this fall. Then there's the little things in life that everyone deals with, and to top it all off, little man is teething the next round of teeth- he wants to snuggle, yet pushes away, yet screams when you set him down, yet wiggles out of your arms when you hold him. Oh the joys of life with kids! I can't help but laugh though, which is probably the only thing saving my sanity!
I know that things will all work out; they always do. But, the timing in which it happens is proving to not be in my time frame. I want all my ducks in a row and right now I feel like they're scattered all around the nation!
I was reading a book to Miss Magee today, and it mentioned that God has his children's names written on his hand. I write things on my hand all the time to help my crammed little brain remember all that needs to be done. Every time I look down on it, I am reminded of the next thing on my agenda. If my name is written on his hand, it means I'm something worth remembering!
I found some verses that helped remind me to just stop stressing.
Matthew 10:29-31 says, "Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father's care. And even the very hairs on your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows."
I Peter 5:7 says to cast all our cares up Him because he cares for you.
Matthew 6:27 says, "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"
Wow! That's all I can say. The first passage in Matthew 10 reminds me that if God can take the time out to provide for and look after and protect the sparrows, then he most definitely cares about me who is made in his image. I Peter helps me refocus on just where my worries should be. They should be given up to him. He is the author and sustainer of life, the creator of all things. He knows how to solve any problem, big or small, in this life, and he is willing to do so! I, on the other hand, can do nothing compared to him.
And the last verse in Matthew 6 is like a slap in the face. Worry is a waste of time. Instead of worrying, I should be actively praying and giving up control. I do not think that it is our job to give it up and sit back. I think we should give it up to Him and be aware of things surrounding us that can help.
These verses help refresh me, and writing this post has helped me clear out my mind. But, stressing is something I must daily work on. Worrying and stressing are sinful. It is my responsibility to trust in God to provide for my needs in his perfect timing.