Change

There are moments in life when we realize that things will never be the same again. It's a bittersweet time when the turning of the world seems like it will tip the world over ever so slightly but still just enough to change the rotation. It's scary to know that what is done today may never be done again. Change is good. It's healthy, but it's terrifying. Comfortable is pleasant and soothing. Disrupting that sheds light onto the unknown which causes doubt and fear.
These moments can only be planned to a certain extent, but most of them are totally unplanned and totally uncontrollable. They are abrupt, just as the violent affects of a storm can have on a city, the changes of a person's life can totally disrupt the living patterns they once had. Storms bring new changes to the landscape, to homes, to a way of thinking, but their changes are not all bad. Though the destruction can be great, there are positive changes that come too. There is the development of new growth, new homes, new families, and a feeling of togetherness teamed with support. The storms that come across our own paths can bring the same feeling of togetherness, support, encouragement, and strength. Change is scary no matter what kind it is and no matter how much preparation has gone into it.
Why am I writing this? Honestly, I'm not really sure. I am sitting in my dining room staring at a box of sweaters that I just packed up and next to it are two more empty boxes awaiting their contents to be placed into them. Change is coming. It's a much needed change that is full of bittersweet feelings. In a little over a month, I will be moving from this place to a new one. The thought of leaving this place is very exciting to me (no more bugs!!!), but it's also very saddening. This was my first place on my own. I've grown comfortable. I know the area, have a great park in my backyard, and know how to respond when things happen. All of those things go unchecked when I think about this new place. Sure, I know of the area, but I don't really know it. I don't know how long it will take me to become comfortable like I am right now. What if I don't like it? I am stuck there for at least 13 months! I don't remember being this uneasy when I moved down here. One would think that I would have been even more terrified since it was 600 miles from home. But, for whatever reason, I am more nervous about moving across town than I was across states.
But, with every change comes fear. Fear of the unknown is one thing we all have in common. Some don't show that fear and some embrace it a little too much. But, when faced with difficult decisions or new things, we all hesitate, even for a brief second, because the idea of change sets off a little red flag. Many people just brush it off and look at the change as a new adventure to embark on. Others look at it and see the end of the world.
I have always thought that I was the type to embrace change and run with it, but now as I'm sitting here thinking about packing up my things to move to a new apartment, apprehension is settling in. There are other decisions that are demanding my attention too, and each one of them will affect my life in a significant way. I trust that things will work out the way that God has planned, but I struggle with fear and worry. Those two things tag team me more than anything else. I want a new place. I want a new way of decorating and new space to fill, but I want to do it all without trying to become accustomed to that new living space (I also don't want to pack and unpack again either).
Proverbs 20:24 says, "A man's steps are ordained by the Lord. How then can anyone understand his own way?" I don't know what he has planned next for me, but I can know for a fact that he knew all this would be presenting itself to me. He knew when, and he knew how I would react. Nothing surprises him.
Psalm 33:11 says, "But the plans of the Lord stand firm forever, the purposes of his heart through all generations." I have always understood the concept of God always being there, but this verse is concrete evidence for me. He has a plan. He has a plan that involves me, and he is not surprised by anything because he has known for generations that it would all happen.
Change is inevitable and sometimes paralyzing, but it doesn't have to be. I am still slowly coming to understand that. Though it has taken me a great deal of time, I realize that God is going no where. He loves me and has taken the time to plan out my life. And, though I feel as if I deserve to know all the details,  I don't. Instead, I need to focus on trusting him and embracing the change that he chooses to bring my way. There is a rhyme and reason to every change, I just don't fully realize what all of them are yet.
If this seems a bit rambly, I apologize. I guess, in a way, it is, but this was snippet of a larger thought process going on in my mind, and I thought I'd share.