I am His

Trusting others is a real gamble in life. Trusting God can, unfortunately, be even harder. I struggle with maintaining a long distance relationship with friends who I can converse with freely. Technically it's not a long distance relationship with God because he is there for me at all times, but it feels like it is because I cannot see him. I cannot hear his voice like I can hear the voice of my best friend. I cannot cry on his shoulder like I can other people who care about me. I can pour out my heart, but there are moments when I feel doubt that I matter because I cannot hear that affirmation of just how important I am to him. I struggle with reminding myself that I matter to him. He cares so much about each and every thing that he created. I have to remember that he chose me out of all this world to fall in love with. He chose me, and the comforting part of that is I had no influence on his decision. Nothing that I said or did made him pick me. And, nothing that I can say or do will make him change his mind. I am his,no matter what.

It is now my job to one, remember that, and two, act upon it. A relationship doesn't consist of going to someone when you need encouragement or when you need advice. It's sacrifice of your time, heart, and life. But, the good thing about this specific relationship is that you are not at risk of being let down or disappointed or broken hearted. It's a relationship full of reward and love and grace being lavished upon me. 

I know all this and can write all this down to share with you, but when it comes to truly believing it and feeling it, I struggle. I sometimes feel alone in this world or that I am walking around blindly because I don't know what to do next or where to go. Those are the moments I really have to make myself call out to God. Those are the moments that I have to raise my eyes and tell my Father in heaven that I need him more than ever. And, those are the moments that he looks down at me and my tear filled eyes and reminds me that I am his forever and always. There are many ways that he does that. Sometimes it's through a sunset...or stars shining bright. Other times it's through the laugh of a child or a call from a friend. For me, I've felt it while taking in the mist of a waterfall or hearing the crash of the waves up against the rocks.

                                                                                         

Sometimes it's just a peace that over comes you in the midst of whatever turmoil you are in.

He doesn't make mistakes and doesn't view our mistakes as times to punish. Those are learning moments. Those are grace moments. Those are the moments he wraps his arms around us and hugs us and wipes away our tears and helps us up. From that point on, we can choose to thank him or walk away without looking back. My prayer is that we will thank him and be grateful for the fact that he NEVER gives up on us.