Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Is He Enough?

Well, he should be. The correct answer would be yes, he is all I need. The real answer is less enthusiastic. I am more ashamed to admit that the Creator of all that is before my eyes is not enough for me. He does not satisfy me the way I think he should. Actually, I don’t allow him to satisfy me the way he can. A friend posted on her facebook status “God is more than _____?” The idea was to fill in the blank with what you thought God was more than. God is more than I can ever imagine. He is more than enough for me. He is more than the challenges that I face each day. He is more than I will ever be. He is more than any other guy ever will be. He is more than the sunrise and sunset. He is more than the most beautiful butterfly or intricate flower. He is more than the most inspiring song or poem. He is more than just someone who created me. He is the creator of all that is in this world. He is the author of my life story. He is the perfect writer for he makes no mistakes and does not need to proofread or edit his work. He is the orchestrator of my life, including my love life. He is more than just God. He is my Father, Comforter, Rock, Lord, Savior, Friend, Lover, Companion, and Teacher. There is nothing on this world that will surprise him which means he is never caught off guard by things I ignorantly choose to do.
I feel disgust when I begin to think about how much I try to stuff God into a tiny little box that can morph into whatever I need it to be at the present moment. I can tell you all the things that God should mean to me, but sadly I say I believe all those things more than I live it out.
I am reading the book “Guys Like Girls Named Jennie” by Kerri Pomarolli. Kerri is a woman who has had her fair share of “fairy tale love stories.” She’s a comedian so her book is an easy read and easy to relate to. She doesn’t sugar coat things which is nice, but she doesn’t come across as condemning. She is very honest about her past and the things that she learned from each decision she made. I think I like her so much because she is so open to what her story is. Many times we like to sprinkle our stories with nice “Christian” lingo to make it sound more pleasing and acceptable, but, in a way, that’s a lie. Kerri’s honesty is rather refreshing to me. Throughout the book, she talks about how her dating adventures, for as long as she can remember, were done in search of validation. She was in search of acceptance and love from boys and desired to feel validated. In one of her chapters, Kerri recaps the moment she realized she needed to stop searching for human validation because it would never be enough. She begins to explain the moment she realized that God thinks she is beautiful, no matter what. He thinks she is beautiful with breakouts on her face and messed up hair. He sees her from the inside out and loves what he sees.
I have always known that God thinks that I am beautiful, but part of me always rebutted that statement with the fact that I am his creation so he’s suppose to say that. But, in all reality, he doesn’t have to think that. If it weren’t for his Son who has washed away my filth, all he would see is the wretched sinner that I am. He would see my imperfections, but because of his grace and love, all those horrible things are gone. I am a new, clean, beautiful woman whom he loves and adores more than anything on this earth. Sad thing is, I question, “Is that enough for me?” It’s awful to say, I know, but it’s the very question running through my mind. I want to say that it is all I need, but I still have that desire to be validated by some human.  What will it take for me to be truly content and satisfied with myself in him? What do I need to do to move past this? What’s the answer you say? I need to simply accept that I do not need to be perfect for an imperfect man. I do not need to prove myself worthy of anyone because I am seen as worthy by the only man who can satisfy the quench within my soul. Jesus, the lover of my soul, sees me as beautiful, and he is never going to give up on me. He will never leave me!
That, is enough; what more can I ask for?

1 comment:

I'd love to hear what's on your mind!