His timing

Over the past 4 months (the time that I have been on my own down here) I have often found myself questioning the circumstances and situations that I was/am in. At first, I was okay with not having a job because I figured it would take a few weeks to get things rolling. August came and the only job possibility was the one on campus, but it was a work study position that only allows $1000 worth of work over the whole semester. I was not thrilled about that part of the job, but I was happy I had a place to work at. September rolled around and still no other bites on jobs. I had applied to numerous places including retail stores, banks, restaurants, and nanny positions (all of which I have experience in) but nothing came out of any of that. I made sure to dress appropriately when applying, provide my resume, talk to the managers, and call within a week to "check on the status" of the application. September came and went and then we were into October. My confidence on the outside looked in tacked, but on the inside I was questioning my capabilities and skills. I began to think that things were looking quite ominous and I began to panic on the inside. I didn't know where the money to pay m bills would come from and I started to wonder if moving down here was a big mistake. 

October turned into a huge learning month for me. My eyes were opened to the fact that I had been pretending for years that things were okay. I knew what to say to other people to make them think I had things all together and I had begun to convince myself that I had things under control. (If you haven't noticed yet, there's a lot of "I's" in this). Control was in my hands and I thought everything was just fine. And, to the world's standards, things weren't all sunshine and rainbows, but compared to most, things were going great for me. When I hit rock bottom in the end of September, something began to change inside me. My thinking was slowly switching. It was becoming obvious to me that I was fully relying on myself and that's why I was in the disaster that I was. Slowly but surely, God was revealing to me that my life was not on the course that it should be and that things needed to be changed, specifically on who and what I was relying on. It took close to a month, but I think I can say that God has my attention now. My eyes have been opened to the one who is so worth my time. Each day I have a smile on my face because I know that God chose to allow me to experience that day.
His timing is perfect. I know that's so cliche, but it's so true. He orchestrates everything in each of our lives and they way things occur make so much more sense when he is leading us. I know that this post is a little bit repetitive of other posts I've written, but I was reminded of how much God WANTS to provide for me. I finally have a job, and though it is a seasonal position (for now), it's a job none the less. I am so thankful for it!