I love freezing moments and making them memories. But, what I don't like is how those frozen moments can pile up in boring albums or sit in a closet enclosed in a box, or kept in a file on your computer. I love the idea of scrapbooking and can get creative to a certain extent, but my attention span (that of a 2 year old's at times) and my patience level really doesn't make it easy to sit down and piece together pages that accurately portray what I have in mind. I also don't like to spend money on things such as software programs or other people to do the creative mess for me.
I do, however, love free things. (My friend and I have a joke...if there's no price on it it must be free!). So, when I found out that A Moment Cherished was giving away digital scrapbooking software, I got excited. I have close to 700 pictures from my trip to Africa that I would truly love to scrapbook, but between me being a nanny, working a part time job, and the other issues mentioned (patience & attention span), I have a pretty good feeling those pictures will be sitting in a file on my computer without explanations or cute little accents to make them more inspiring (than they already are).
I am linking up to her, one because I would love to win the prize, but two because she is a great writer with amazing insights.

You Know You're a Nanny When...

you understand that a head butt is really just how the little steam roller shows affection...
you go to the store with snot and tear stains on your shirt and you don't even have kids of your own...
you sing the words to Elmo's World and Mickey Mouse Club House on the weekends...
you see a child in the store acting up and you automatically give them the "you better behave or else..." look...
you spend the majority of your day asking "do you need to go potty?"...
you clean up the same toys every 3 hours...

you treasure that quiet time between 1 & 3 (even if it is spent cleaning up and recharging)...
you feel like the only words that every come out of your mouth are "share," "no," "not right now," and "how do you ask?" "eat your food, please," and "leave your sister alone"...
you dread the never ending "Why?" questions...especially when they come out of a 2 year old's mouth (aren't
    they suppose to start that at 3?!)...
your morning strolls are really an intense workout thanks to this...

plus an extra 50lbs thanks to the munchkins...

Anyone out there, nanny or not, feel the same way? There are so many other things I could write that would sum up a day in the life of a nanny, but I figured just sharing the things that consumed my morning would suffice.
...Gotta love it....

Change...

Why is it that change is so hard for us? What is it that makes so many of us cringe? I write this from the view point of enjoying the idea of change but hiding from actually going through the action (and I should warn you, this is a lengthy post). Maybe it's because we've been hurt by change in the past. Maybe, at one point in our life, we were a bystander affected negatively by change in another's life and have yet to shake the results. Maybe it's because change brings with it a sense of uncertainty. No matter how much we try to plan out our life things are going to arise that we did not take into account and therefore our plan is going to change. Maybe it's only when we are not initiating the change that we tweak out. If that's the case then I would say it's safe to assume there's a control issue. Or, maybe it's for a much different reason that I have yet to stumble upon.
But...
Whatever it is, you would think we would be okay with change because it happens to us starting at such a young age. There's the change from being at home to going to school. Then it's from kindergarten to junior high to high school then to college then the work field. Maybe those changes are slightly more manageable because there is a large group of people in the world going through the same process, and there's a sense of familiarity to it since we know the steps that follow. Again, I think that brings us back to control.
What is it about control that has many of us causing our lives to do exactly the opposite- spiral out of control!? Why are we so drawn to wanting control of things? Maybe it's the fact that whoever is in control gets to decide the next steps and know a little bit more. (I'm pretty sure that brings us right back to where we started...change). Funny how vicious the circle can be.
You would think we would all accept the fact that we truly can't control our life. Unless we are able to control the lives of everyone else on this planet, there is no way that we can be in total control of our own lives. And, when I say "control" I mean having the ability to determine the next step, based upon the knowledge of what is going to arise, and keeping things from turning chaotic.
I think we could all admit that we aren't perfect. So, that means that we aren't able to interpret everything correctly, which means that even if we did know what was coming next, we could still interpret it incorrectly... causing more change. Wow, seems like we just can't avoid that wonderful little word.
I don't think that any one of us would know what to do if we were granted complete control over things. There would definitely be a lot of self-pleasing acts which would make this world about twenty times worse than what it already is.
There is a sense of fear that presents itself when change is on the rise. It's the fear of the unknown. The little details held in the dark. The consequences or encounters hidden from us that we cannot plan on. The days and weeks and possibly even months that we must rely on something bigger than ourselves to get us through the day. Fear is an emotion present in all of our lives whether we want to admit it or not. It's that empty pit on our stomach that, when mixed with anxiety, makes you want to puke. It's having whatever worries you constantly on your mind. No matter what you do or try to think of, that feeling comes back full force and immobilizes you from pushing through strong.
Then, there's anticipation. That feeling of looking forward to something (or dreading it) so much so that time seems to slow down, almost excruciatingly, and all your thoughts and actions are conscious as to how much longer you must wait.
Combine fear and anxiety together and you have a recipe for dark circles, stress acne, sleep deprivation, and possibly 20lbs of stress "dieting," not to mention the other emotions that may come into play. These two feelings can keep you asking the "what if" questions that can spiral anyone into an overwhelming tizzy of dread... and fear.
So, I ask again. What is it about change that strikes fear and anxiety in just about every one of us? I've decided it's simply because we know we can't control things outside of our little comfort bubbles. It's unfamiliar territory, and we dare not venture out to it simply because we don't know how to prepare ourselves. We all have a little plan for our lives. Some it's a certain job or degree, others it's more family oriented. I will be honest, my plan for my life is to get married, have kids, and do my best at raising a God-fearing family. Sure, it may sound "old fashioned" to some, but I do not have the career oriented mind like some, and I am okay with that. I know that I love to cook, take care of kids, clean, organize, and live in sheer chaos that is a house of kids; I know that times won't be easy and there is bound to be an abundant amount of tears shed throughout the course of time, but I am fine with that. I feel as though that is what I am called to do... well, that is what I thought I felt I was called to do. Now, since my plan hasn't exactly taken a step forward, I am beginning to wonder "what next?" Things have come up in my life that have made me question if that is the "right" plan for me. I don't have a plan b. No one ever mentioned that part of life. The part where my plan doesn't go according to, well... my plan.
There's a chance that change is on the rise, and I can feel those two pesky emotions sneaking up and settling in my heart and mind. I can sense the fact that there is much I don't know about my future, and I am wrestling with it. I am striving so much to figure out just what those blurry patches are. I want to know what is ahead for me. In my striving and fighting (more like kicking and screaming) to remain in my comfort bubble, I have begun to realize just how selfish I am.
I have a plan.
I think I will be good at this
I want this in my life
I don't want to go there or do this
My plan is much more thought out
My goals are much more attainable
My success will come from this
I will be happy over here doing this
I want, I want, I want.....
I'm a nanny, and I cannot stand it when I hear those words over and over again after I have redirected, reprimanded, informed,  explained, and flat out said NO to. Whining is a huge pet peeve of mine, and yet, here I am doing it.
Who am I to decide what should happen with my life. I can't see what's going to take happen to me five minutes from now, let alone five years! I have no inclination as to who I will cross paths with. I don't know what obstacles I will face.
And that's what bothers me. I'm not in control, and I'm in the dark. So, what can I do. Nothing...case closed... But, there is someone who can. There is someone who knows what obstacles I will face. There is someone out there with a plan for my life that is in effect and that is much more effective than mine. My Creator, my Father, my Jesus, my Savior, and my Friend, has a plan for my life that totally blows mine out of the water. The trick is for me to let go of control-to let go of my selfish desire to direct and just sit back and take directions.
http://snippetsfromabusymind.blogspot.com/2011/08/i-stumbled-across-this-today-while.html
The link above will take you to a previous post of mine. I think the words that I happened to find the other day fit quite nicely with this post.
I know that I have rambled on for a while now, but this has been a battle of mine. Change, when I am not initiating it, scares me. And even when I am initiating it, I tremble with every step in fear that I am making the wrong decision. I am beginning to realize that change can be exciting and good when done correctly...and the only way to do that is with God in control. He's the only one who fits the "job description" for the leadership position. He has the most experience and all the credentials. So, why not let the pride and fear and anxiety that's holding us (me) back and grab hold (with faith) the hand of our heavenly Father who is more than capable of walking with us and even carrying us through the sunny days and dark storms.

"Faith is the capacity to endure uncertainties"

I stumbled across this today while looking something up online, and I thought I would share it with you. I don't know who wrote it, or where it originally came from, but it's pretty powerful and makes you think....

God's Plan

Some things are beyond planning.

And life doesn't always turn out as planned.

You don't plan for a broken heart.

You don't plan for a failed business venture.

You don't plan for an adulterous husband

or a wife who wants you out of her life.

You don't plan for an autistic child.

You don't plan for spinsterhood.

You don't plan for a lump in your breast.

You plan to be young forever.

You plan to climb the corporate ladder.

You plan to be rich and powerful.

You plan to be acclaimed and successful.

You plan to conquer the universe.

You plan to fall in love - and be loved forever.

You don't plan to be sad.

You don't plan to be hurt.

You don't plan to be broke.

You don't plan to be betrayed.

You don't plan to be alone in this world.

You plan to be happy. You don't plan to be shattered.

Sometimes if you work hard enough, you can get what you want.

But MOST times, what you want and what you get are two different things.

We, mortals, plan. But so does God in the heavens.

Sometimes, it is difficult to understand God's plans especially when His plans are not in consonance with ours.

Often, when God sends us crisis, we turn to Him in anger. True, we cannot choose the cross that God wishes us to carry, but we can carry that cross with courage knowing that God will never abandon us nor send something we cannot cope with.

Sometimes, God breaks our spirit to save our soul.

Sometimes, He breaks our heart to make us whole.

Sometimes, God allows pain so we can be stronger.

Sometimes, God sends us failure so we can be humble.

Sometimes, God allows illness so we can take better care of ourselves. Sometimes, God takes everything away from us so we can learn the value of everything He gave us.

Make plans, but understand that we live by God's grace.

My Desire...

I have a desire. It's one that has been hidden inside my soul for a long time. It's one that makes me excited and can keep me up for hours at night. For so long I have kept this desire hidden for fear that if I made it known, the passion that I feel might no longer burn. Admitting my reasons for hiding it makes me feel silly, but I've reached the point to where I don't care if I sound silly. A burning passion has been put inside my soul, and it has been awakened.
The past few weeks have been difficult for me. I feel restless, as I have mentioned before in other posts, and I am not sure how to not feel like that. For years I have had a heart for kids. And, when I say "heart" I mean the desire to get involved with the next generation and help them to have the best life they can. I enjoy watching little ones learn new things about their world. If you want to see me get fired up about something, start talking about kids who don't have what they deserve to have or kids who live in poor situations and don't know anything different. Every child that I have ever encountered has only made this passion increase. From a young age I have wanted to help better the lives of children. I know kids who have not experienced the pure, innocent joy that a child is entitled too, and the majority of the time it is due to circumstances out of their control.
For years now I have had a heart for orphans. The thought of so many children living in a large home together, sharing things, and not getting the adequate one on one attention that they each deserve is frustrating to me. I know that not every orphanage is like that, but many are. Many don't have the capabilities of providing one on one time with children. Many children go to bed every night without an "I love you" or a hug and kiss goodnight from someone who loves them deeply. Many children don't have the option of a bedtime story or snuggle before they lay their head down to rest. Many of them are unfamiliar with the feeling of being loved and wanted, and that breaks my heart. It shatters my heart to be very honest. It is not the child's fault that they are where they are, and yet they are the ones often penalized for it.
So many studies have been done that show how much physical affection plays a crucial part in early development, and to think that there are thousands of children out in the world not having that crucial need met weighs down my heart. I am but one person, and I recognize that I cannot provide the love and affection that each and every one of them needs. But, I want to. I want to scoop each of them up into my arms and give them that squeeze they long for. I want to hear the joy in their laughter, and I want to see each of them with a twinkle in their eye because they know someone cares about them.
I have so often thought about volunteering at an orphanage somewhere, but when I thought about it in "real terms" I've never been able to wrap my mind around how or where. But, I think the biggest thing holding me back is myself. The idea is amazingly overwhelming when I think about it (in an exciting way), but it's nerve wracking to admit such an idea because then I might have to do something about it. There may be sacrifices that must be made, and the unknown is rather intimidating. There are ways to do things. There are ways to raise money. I learned first hand just what it means to reach out to others for support, and I was blown away at how many people were so willing to help. And, the best part is that I serve a God who is bigger than all the "limitations" and "setbacks" I think I might encounter.
I want to be able to express to each of these kids that though there isn't a human figure wrapping their arms around them, that they can still have a Father in their life. A Father who will always have his arms open for a bear hug, who's shoulder will always be free to cry on, who's hand will always be there to help them when they stumble, who's strength will always be there to get them through the tough times, and the list goes on. I want each of them to know that he knows who they are and thinks they are the most precious thing on this earth. I want them to know that though they might be living in a large home with many other kids, they aren't just another head to count or mouth to feed.
I have a desire to reach out to these precious little ones who have needs and wants just as I do.
My trip to Kenya wasn't just eye opening, it was heart opening. It opened my heart and fanned the flames of my desire. I don't know how or where or when I will be able to fulfill this desire.
But...
I do know that this desire in my heart is not a mistake. The past I have with kids from many different walks of life was not a mistake. The experience I had in Kenya did not just happen "by chance." Every little thing that I experience in my life is being woven together to create a better me who can better serve my King. I don't know what his plan for my life is, necessarily, but I do know that he is ready and willing to do great things through me and I am ready and willing to see just what they are.
God's love knows NO limits...
The amount of love that God has in his heart for each and every person is inexplicable. It's so deep and so strong that nothing can compare to it. We...I... have been called to look after the orphans and widows in this world. The bible clearly states that.
I don't want to live with this desire burning in my soul. It was placed there for a reason, and by me keeping it inside, I am stifling it. Like I said before, I don't know where or how or when, but I am open to whatever he chooses to culminate this desire into.

For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. 

Plans to give you hope and a future.

Jeremiah 29:11

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

James 1:27

I will rise

I've mentioned before how songs can touch my heart and make me think. I can hear things from people and read the same thoughts on paper in a book, but when I hear the words in a song, I am more touched. I have written before about the tough times that come our way-the dark moments. They can seem very overwhelming. It's so easy to feel as though there is no hope, and it's difficult to remember that I am only seeing a small piece of the puzzle. I am unable to view the whole picture. 

No matter how many trials I go through, I always find myself entertaining the thought that there is no hope. I could be enduring similar stressful situations each and every time trials arise, and the thoughts of never getting out or finding my way back to my "normal" day can be overwhelming. It's nice to be reminded that there is hope out there, but I can't always rely on the words of people, a book, or a song to bring me out of that. I need to remember that I am here on this earth because God has chosen to put me here. I have yet to figure out the reason as to why I am here, but that's not necessarily the point. Throughout this whole process that is my life, I need to remain focused on bringing glory to God's name. When people look at me they need to see Jesus. They need to be able to tell that the joy and love for life that I have is from knowing the love of my Creator. 

Yes I will rise

Out of these ashes rise

From this trouble I have found

And this rubble on the ground

I will rise

Cause He who is in me

Is greater than I will ever be 

And I will rise

Sometimes my heart is on the ground

And hope is nowhere to be found

Love is a figment I once knew

And yet I hold on to what I know is true

Well I keep on coming to this place

That I don't know quite how to face

So I lay down my life in hopes to die

That somehow I might rise

Yes I will rise

Out of these ashes rise

From this trouble I have found

And this rubble on the ground 

I will rise

Cause He who is in me

Is greater than I will ever be

And I will rise

This song, by Shawn McDonald, made me cry the first time I heard it. It's so simple yet the words hold so much truth in them. There are moments, trials, temptations, stressful situations, and any other word you would care to describe those messy times in our life that make us want to escape that cause us to believe that we are in farther than we can handle. The truth that they blind us to is that God has a plan and a purpose for each situation. The times when we feel like we are in too deep and out of control is when we are being refined and shaped into a better person. But, the amazing things is that I won't remain there. I won't remain in the flames forever. The fire will die down, things will get easier, and I will come through it. Because of God's love for me and his desire to see me grow into the beautiful woman that he knows I will be, I will rise out of those moments stronger and more equipped for what is around the corner. 

A Song in Our Hearts

Everyone appreciates hard work. Some of us enjoy doing hard work every day, others of us have to do it whether we want to or not. But, how many of us can actually say that we would choose hard manual labor over the ease and comfort of more "pampered" work? Some may say, I love to do hard manual labor, but how many of you can honestly say you would choose to do it every day? With a song in your heart and a smile on your face? What about if it was monotonous? Still think you would honestly answer yes?
I enjoy hard work. I would choose manual labor over sitting at a desk any day. Even if that meant standing on my feet filing all day instead of typing on a computer, I would choose it, but the day comes to an end and the next one may be different. We think that we have it rough here, and don't get me wrong, some of us do. But, how many of you can say that you do your laundry by hand every day? Yes, every day! Some with kids might say well I do laundry every day, and while that's true, I'd like to know how many of those people do it by hand. And, if you don't do it by hand but instead simply separate and load into the washer then switch to the dryer, how many do it with a song in their heart and a smile on their face?
While I love doing laundry, I have found myself grumbling over the fact that I just don't have the time to do the laundry or other household chores, and the thing I hate most is lugging the laundry down the stairs to a shared washer/dryer (thank you apartment living). I realize just how easy I have it. Mind you, I have known that we, Americans, have it pretty easy compared to other countries around the world, but, I will say it again, it's one thing to think that and another to actually experience it first hand.
Where am I getting this topic, you might wonder? If you guessed my trip to Kenya, you're totally right. I saw what it truly means to have a servant's heart. I fully know what it looks like to sacrifice your time, strength, and energy. I am fully aware of yet another way to show love without words. Like in many countries, women do the majority of the work in Kenya. They cook, clean, shop, organize, teach, garden, mend, construct, transport, landscape, nurture, and then do the typical day to day things that women all around the world do. I am so blessed to say that I was able to experience the hard work and dedication that so many women in Choimim put forth. Five women stick out in my mind- Lucy, Mercy, Lilly, Edna, and Claire. These women not only managed their own households and families, but they also took care of us during our stay. These women cooked our food and cleaned our clothes, shoes, and living quarters. Not only did they take care of all this, but they also took care of the pastor's children while he was away (his wife works and lives in Nairobi), and they did their own laundry and house cleaning. The best part is that I can honestly say that these women never once complained (if they did it was in Swahili, and I didn't pick up on it). They always had a smile on their face and ready and willing to help. They woke up extra early and went to bed rather late, but each time they were mopping the floors with a towel, washing 5 loads of laundry, cooking food,  or cleaning mud off of shoes, they were beaming with joy and happiness.
I was able to assist them with laundry one day, and by the end of the day, I was wearing an ace bandage on my wrist because I had sprained something. I honestly never thought I would sprain my wrist doing laundry, but let me tell you, after soaking, washing, wringing, rinsing, wringing again, and repeating on 36 sheets, 18 pillowcases, 18 towels, and about 2 loads of clothes, I was not surprised. It was hard work, but I enjoyed it because I knew that my willingness to help them was serving them.
They inspire me....

Woman doing laundry outside children's center

One load of laundry

Attempting to wash as well as them (they make it look easy)

The attitude of the people that I rubbed shoulders with in Kenya challenged me to examine my attitude daily. I complain way too much about the things that make my life convenient. We are in an "instant" generation. We want things done now, and we don't want to wait for it or actually do any work to get it done. How lazy is that?!
Next time you see the socks strung along the floor, the food on the table (or under), the garbage can overflowing, or the dishes that need to be washed, try to have an attitude of Christ rather than an attitude of selfishness. It's so easy to "know," but truly think about how blessed we are to have the conveniences that we have.

"Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; 

for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18