No Matter What

We all have our mistakes and dark alleys that we experienced in our past. And, there's a good chance that there are more to come in the future. The fear of our past haunting us in the future may be something that each one of us will face at one point in our spiritual journey. I know that I struggle with it. I have a hard time wrapping my mind around God wanting me and choosing me despite my imperfections. I learned this weekend that he is sovereign, meaning he is in control of all things and means them for good, even if we don't view them as such (more about that later though).
The fact that the perfect God desires this imperfect woman is hard for me to grasp. I am no where near that strong of a godly woman, I am certainly working toward it, but I am stubborn and sometimes just blind to the obvious things in my life that need to be changed or refined. The scriptures say that we are refined like silver. Silver is refined by being placed into a fire. All the impurities are slowly melted away until the craftsman can see his reflection in the metal. He then knows that his creation is perfectly refined, without blemish.
I am afraid of failing again. I must remember that I am an imperfect human, chosen by God, being refined in his fire until he sees his reflection in me. At that point, I am finished and made perfect like him, and residing in heaven with him. Without those mistakes, trials, and sufferings, we cannot be made perfect. Those things are what make us unique. They are not allowed into our lives to cause us pain or elongate the refining process. They are there to make us stronger and more perfect.
It boggles my mind to think that God wants to use his time and power to refine me. It is not a tedious process that he despises or dreads. Instead, he sees it as a relationship between the potter and the clay. It's a delicate procedure that requires much dedication and gentleness. He is working on me to better perfect me and make me more like him.
He knows the mistakes I have made and is fully aware of the ones I have yet to make, but they don't bother him. He is fully knowledgeable of them and still longs for me to become more intimate with him. Sidewalk Prophets has a song out called "You Love Me Anyway" that I heard today. One of the verses caught my ear. It says,

"I am the thorn in Your crown, but You love me anyway. I am the sweat from Your brow, but You love me anyway. I am the nail in Your wrist, but You love me anyway. I am Judas' kiss, but You love me anyway. See now, I am the man that called out from the crowd for Your blood to be spilled on this earth shaking ground. Yes then, I turned away with this smile on my face with this sin in my heart tried to bury Your grace. And then alone in the night, I still called out for You. So ashamed of my life, my life, my life. BUT You love me anyway."

It's hard to understand how a person can still love someone with such intensity even after being put through excruciating pain day in and day out. I believe that's the amazing grace of God. I do not have to fully understand it; I just need to accept it and be thankful for it. 

It's a struggle at times, but we need to remember that only God can refine us. We are unable to refine ourselves so that we reflect him. He is the master craftsman, and He is the one who chose to work with me.