Walking Away

I have been struggling with letting go and letting God. Today has been a rough day. I attempted to leap through doors that God decided to close. And, to be honest with you, it hurts! I find myself expecting God to just allow the door that I choose to be open and be the correct one. I am trying to mold the story he is writing into the way I think it should be written. My stubbornness is killing me. I need to learn to walk away when he shuts the door rather than trying to break it open myself. Today alone I have seen one door slam shut and the other slowly shut. Just when I think that I have finally come to an open door, God decides to test my faith in him and close it (at least that's how I view it right now). I found myself melting today at work because I just felt so overwhelmed by it all. I like to have plans and know what is going to happen. I don't like just going with the flow when it comes to important things like health, finances, school, and, did I mention, finances? When it comes to money, some would say I am quite stingy, but I like to say I'm conservative (very conservative).

I think God is in the process of teaching me to rely on him for support rather than my bank account. I don't deal well with not knowing what will happen next, and He definitely knows that. I am so thankful that he knows what will be the outcome of all this. I should be more comforted by the fact that he is in control of everything and will not steer me off the path. Often times I find myself thinking that God is out to teach me a lesson in a revengeful sort of way, but that's not the case at all. He allows things to happen so that I may learn something and grow more dependent on him.