Paths

Have you ever felt like you have reached your limit and you have no idea where to go to get out of it? I have felt that way a lot recently. Last year was such an up and down roller coaster for me emotionally, physically, and mentally. I think I maxed out my limit in many areas. The stress level I experienced last year was much higher than I had preferred. Some of that was due to things out of my control, but there were some decisions that I made that caused things to spike up.
I have never been one to make New Year's resolutions simply because I feel like they are pointless and, at times, seen as a joke. This year, I would like to try and avoid the amount of stress I underwent last year. I would love to sit here and tell you that on the fifth day of this new year, I am doing remarkably well in the stress management department. Unfortunately, I cannot even come close to meeting that. The first day of January was ended in a mess of tears and the next day to follow drifted by while spending 14 hours in the car (which is long enough to drain you for a month). It is now the fifth day into the new year, and I am freaking out over things. I still have yet to find health insurance and I have no idea how to speed up the process any faster. I am asking myself "to go to school, or not go to school this semester?" I thought I was okay with not going back this semester and just taking a breather. But, after being greeted by many friends and family saying "Oh...." in a very disappointed tone after learning of my school plans, or lack there of, I have begun to rethink my decision. If I don't go back to school, it will be time to begin paying on my loans, but if I do continue with school, I can defer them again. The downside to going back to school is that I have no clue what classes I would take.
Yesterday, I ran around at the community college trying to get my questions answered, and I found that my main reasons for continuing school this semester were to avoid my loans (by accruing more) and being a student like everyone thought I should be. I had no real reason to go. Now, I am registered for two classes that I am not even sure I need nor want to take. My mind is in a huge tizzy right now. I cannot express to you how confused and overheated my mind has become just in these past five days of the new year.
I am constantly reminding myself that things do not need to be done according to the world's standards. I am not required to fit into the typical life mold of a 22 year old. I am an individual created to be me and no one else. And, if school is not on that path that I am suppose to take, then so be it.