Step by Step

I have been up since 4 am. Why? You may ask. Well, if I knew, I would love to tell ya. Four hours of sleep isn't exactly my idea of a good night's rest, but my body seems to think otherwise. So, here I am, almost three hours later, wide awake.
It may have something to do with all the thoughts that I have running through my mind. I woke up with a friend on my mind whom I was able to discuss salvation with a few nights ago. Also on my mind was the song by Rich Mullins "Step by Step," you know...the one where you stomp when you say "step by step." I got the thinking about that, and I find it funny that I woke with those two things on my mind. Okay, maybe not the humorous type of funny, but the "hmmm, that's interesting" type of funny. Lately I have just been praying that God will lead me every step of the way, but then I realized that God is oh so very willing to do that. The problem is not in his willingness, but in my desire to actually allow him to lead, meaning I would have to follow. I have to be honest with you, following isn't exactly my forte. I'm more of a "take life by the horns and get things done" kind of a girl. I do not deal well with having to sit and wait and allow someone else to take the lead. I am so quick to jump at every opportunity to abandon ship and go my own way that I think will get things done and over with more quickly. My lack of patience and over obsessiveness to control things is probably why I am where I am right now, still no job! It is definitely not the position that I want myself to be in, and I have tried so many times to change that and when I realized I couldn't, I "gave up" and told God he could take over. But, a few weeks ago, I became aware of my worry over this issue of no job. Though I told God that he could take over, I still allowed my mind to obsess over it and become depressed over it. It dawned on me that doing worrying about it is not truly giving the matter over to him. I look at my life, and I can't help but think that God finds my quick to jump, over obsessive habits funny (and probably annoying). I'm sure he says to me (while I am frantically searching for a "short cut"), "Um.... Becky, I thought you were giving this one up to me. The path you're looking for is right here. It would be a whole lot easier if you would just give up your controlling habits and just follow me. The way you're trying to go is just going to take you longer! But, I will wait." I'm sure my bull headed habits of being stubborn is why it takes me so long to figure out that no, my way isn't the right way. Sighs... if only I could remember that daily!
That song keeps playing in my head. Well, mostly just "and step by step you'll lead me, and I will follow you all of my days" I love how God sometimes uses little things such as a snippet from a song to remind me of life lessons.