Footsteps

While hanging with my lil ones yesterday, I saw just how much my Ms. Magee was in that stage of mimicking. She's beginning to expand her vocabulary by repeating the words that I say. She begins to sing when I sing or dance when I dance and how I dance. I went into the office today to get my new work schedule for my second job, and she was a little more reserved around these people than she usually is. I crouched down since there was no place for all of us to sit, and she crouched down right with me. Every move I made she attempted to copy.
At home, she will grab my keys and phone, stick the phone in her pocket (like I do) and head for the door, all the while saying things like I would. I was reminded how much of an important role I am playing in these two children's lives. I am the one with them the most throughout the week. We have our own routine figured out (right down to the crawling up the stairs and down the hallway to her room like were puppies or blowing kisses before I shut her bedroom door). Even for my little guy, I have a certain way that I greet him in the morning that just makes him smile and giggle which lights up my day.
All these things are sweet and to be expected when working with little kids, but I don't just want to go throughout my day checking off the items to do on my list of nannying responsibilities. I want to influence them and help make their childhood the best one possible. I need to remember that little eyes are watching me, so I should make the most of ever day that I am with them. Little feet are following my lead, whether I want them to or not. 

Their little feet are leading them in their exploration of life. I feel privileged to help them along their journeys. There are days when I might feel like my job is insignificant, but when I sit down and think about it all, I realize that my job is not to just watch these kids. I am helping to shape and mold their impression of this world. 

It's Raining. It's Pouring...

There is something so amazingly refreshing about rain. I love it in any form. If I had to describe my perfect day, it would consist of a hot day with late warm showers that resulted in a severe thunderstorm full of torrential down pours, window shaking thunder, and bright as day flashes of lightning that helped cool things down for the night. For as long as I can remember, I have loved to just watch the rain come down. I don't even mind being caught in it. What's even better is the fresh smell that comes after a shower in spring. The earth is damp, the flowers are quenched, and the air has a moist, freshly clean earth smell (if that makes any sense).
I still find myself running to my window when I hear the first splatter of rain hit. The sound of rain is rather therapeutic, at least I think so. Actually, the sound of moving water has a therapeutic affect on me. The sound of rain on a tin roof is something that I would willingly sit still and listen to (sitting still is not easily accomplished by me). I also like how the rain streaks down the window and makes different patterns. When it's really pouring out the windows are glazed over with water and the world looks so much different through it.
If it wasn't for rain, I wouldn't have the beautiful flowers that are beginning to bloom in my garden. I wouldn't have the stream to walk next to or the lakes to visit.

I am so thankful that I live in an area that gets plenty of rain!

89 days (give or take a few)

Africa, such a distant country. It's one that I thought I would never get to, but God had some other plans in mind.  In 89 days (if my math is correct) I will be in Kenya, Africa helping to construct an orphanage, help in the existing orphanages, as well as interact with school ages children and the rest of the people in the village of Choimim.
I am so excited to be on this journey and am quite excited to see all that I will learn through this process. So far, I have learned that, and been reminded of numerous times, God cannot be put into a box. No one can say, "well, that's way too much money to expect one person to raise," because God is perfectly capable of moving in people's hearts to help raise that money. He is perfectly capable of allowing what seems impossible to become perfectly attainable. I am very thrilled to be given this chance to touch the lives of the Choimim people, as well as have my life touched by them!
I am daily reminded of how blessed I am to live here in the US. I am so thankful to have the home that I do (bugs or not) and the drivable car I have (even with the duct tape). I am so thankful for my faith in Christ and the chance to witness his grace toward me daily. I wish that I didn't have to wait so long to be with the people of Choimim, but I know that it will all be worth the wait!

Simply Complex

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."
Can anyone guess what the quote above is?
If you guessed John 3:16, you got it right. I think this verse is very well known. It's probably one of the first verses a person learns or hears about when they learn about God or the Bible. It's simple and easy to memorize, but I wonder how many people truly understand what it all means.
For God (the creator of this entire universe, the one who made man out of dust and simply spoke things into presence, the God who made the sun stand still, intricately designed each and every bird, human, flower, animal, and insect) so loved (not just liked a little or thought a lot about) the world (every single being that has lived, is living, and ever will live) that he gave (not loaned) his one and only Son (not his good friended, his first born pride and joy), that whoever (anyone, not the rich, the strong, the wise, or only a few...EVERYONE) believes (not acknowledges his possible presence or his creation, but actually testifies his existence) in him (the beloved Son) shall not perish (will not be forever in hell...the eternally burning lake of fire) but have eternal life (life that never ends, spend in paradise).
How amazing is that? This verse is so easy to spout off from memory, but when you actually take the time to reflect on it's true meaning, it can almost be mind boggling. I cannot imagine being willing to send my child, my only child, away from me with the ultimate goal of sacrificing their life so that I can make a way for ungrateful, complaining humans to spend eternity with me rather than in hell, if they so choose to believe.
We are so sinful and wrapped up in ourselves that we tend to not even say thank you for blessings that come our way. The process of Jesus being sent by his father to come to this sinful world to die a torturous death in order to make a way for sinful humans to repent and be able to spend eternity in paradise was a simple decision to God. It was his ultimate way of showing us just how much he loved us. We make accepting this act of love into such a complex decision. We weigh our choices and justify our actions so that we begin to think that we don't really need to accept anything or change our ways because we're just fine where we are.
The facts are simple... we are born sinners. Sin leads to death and eternity in hell. God loves us. He has made a way to break from the path that leads to hell. All we must do is choose to trust and follow him.

Tidbits of His Great Love

I have always viewed God as an authority figure in my life, and occasionally I have considered him a "father figure." I put that in quotes because I don't really think of him as my father. I picture him more as an older man who can give good advice and loves me.
I have just recently begun to view God as something so much more than the two that I have listed above. I have become to understand just how intimately involved in my life he truly is. I grew up in a Christian home, went to church regularly, and attended a private Christian school from kindergarten right up through twelfth grade. Growing up, I knew a lot about who God was and accepted him as my Lord and Savior, but I also knew that I was required to read the Bible and memorize his word for a grade in school and to get things in Sunday School. It didn't take long for me to view God and his word as just another thing to check off my list and help my GPA. Often I felt that there was something more to it than just that, but I didn't act upon that desirous feeling as often as I should have.
God has become so much more than just a thing to do or believe. He has become the person I want to turn to in all situations. There are moments that I don't and that is because I am not perfect and am still fighting my fleshly desires. I mentioned in a previous post that I went on a retreat this past weekend. I didn't come back with newly found knowledge, but rather the knowledge I had was pushed to a deeper level. I was reminded that God is so much more than just "the big guy in the sky." He is my Father, Lover, and Friend.
As my Father, he has the final say, and what he says he will do will be done. He is sovereign. The things that I endure throughout my life are not meant to hurt me, though I often interpret it that way; they are meant for good. He knows exactly how those things will unfold to help me become a much better version of myself-more like him. I was reminded that he knows the exact amount of hair on my head because he is detailed and desires to know me on such a deep level.
One of the "big" things that I took away from this weekend is that his will is not at the mercy of sinful man. What he plans to do will be done. He reigns above my choices, and thankfully, my choices do not cripple or foil his plan.
He is also my Lover. He doesn't just love me; he is intimately acquainted with all my ways and isn't scared away by them. Psalm 139 talks about how we were made to know and be known by God, meaning we will need to take the time to get to know him and reflect on what we find. He longs to bless me and enjoys doing so. I use to think that Psalm 37:4 (Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart) meant that when I was "content" in God that he would give me what I desired. But, so often I was trying to be content in God so that I could still have my fleshly desires. I have come to understand that when I am truly delighted in him that his desires become mine. I am no longer focused on the earthly desires that I once had. I want what he wants for me. He also desires to protect and is willing to fight for me.
Not only is he my Father and Lover, he is also my friend. Over the years, the term friend has come to represent a person who simply comes and goes and doesn't remain constant in my life. I realized that I have a hard time picturing a friend who actually remains my friend through the good and the bad all my life and doesn't drift away. As a friend, he wants to commune with me and walk with me now and forever. He has no intentions of leaving. In fact, he says that he will never leave me or forsake me. Friendship requires two people choosing to get to know one another. He chose me for himself. There is nothing superior about me that made him choose me; he simply wanted to.  As a friend he is there to comfort me and hold my hand. We are told in 1 John 4:18 that perfect love casts out fear. He is perfect and he loves me. There is no room for me to fear. My fear ultimately reveals my lack of trust in him. I become victorious over fear when I lay down that fear at his feet and allow his truth to wash over it.
So often I try to stuff God into a box. By doing so, I am stating that I don't think he needs to be with me throughout my daily life. How wrong am I? He is not some magic genie that I can pull out when I am in trouble or need him to do something for me. God is not someone who I can define by my circumstances. Instead, I need to define my circumstance by him. I need to allow myself to be still long enough to feel his presence, and I need to shut my mouth long enough to hear his whispers of love and encouragement to me. I am so glad that he has the patience to deal with me. The amount of sincere love he has for me is more than I can ask for. I am undeserving of it all, but that is the beauty of it all. He doesn't just love me as his child, he also adores me as his lover, and cherishes me as his friend. The least I can do is trust in his love and love him back.

No Matter What

We all have our mistakes and dark alleys that we experienced in our past. And, there's a good chance that there are more to come in the future. The fear of our past haunting us in the future may be something that each one of us will face at one point in our spiritual journey. I know that I struggle with it. I have a hard time wrapping my mind around God wanting me and choosing me despite my imperfections. I learned this weekend that he is sovereign, meaning he is in control of all things and means them for good, even if we don't view them as such (more about that later though).
The fact that the perfect God desires this imperfect woman is hard for me to grasp. I am no where near that strong of a godly woman, I am certainly working toward it, but I am stubborn and sometimes just blind to the obvious things in my life that need to be changed or refined. The scriptures say that we are refined like silver. Silver is refined by being placed into a fire. All the impurities are slowly melted away until the craftsman can see his reflection in the metal. He then knows that his creation is perfectly refined, without blemish.
I am afraid of failing again. I must remember that I am an imperfect human, chosen by God, being refined in his fire until he sees his reflection in me. At that point, I am finished and made perfect like him, and residing in heaven with him. Without those mistakes, trials, and sufferings, we cannot be made perfect. Those things are what make us unique. They are not allowed into our lives to cause us pain or elongate the refining process. They are there to make us stronger and more perfect.
It boggles my mind to think that God wants to use his time and power to refine me. It is not a tedious process that he despises or dreads. Instead, he sees it as a relationship between the potter and the clay. It's a delicate procedure that requires much dedication and gentleness. He is working on me to better perfect me and make me more like him.
He knows the mistakes I have made and is fully aware of the ones I have yet to make, but they don't bother him. He is fully knowledgeable of them and still longs for me to become more intimate with him. Sidewalk Prophets has a song out called "You Love Me Anyway" that I heard today. One of the verses caught my ear. It says,

"I am the thorn in Your crown, but You love me anyway. I am the sweat from Your brow, but You love me anyway. I am the nail in Your wrist, but You love me anyway. I am Judas' kiss, but You love me anyway. See now, I am the man that called out from the crowd for Your blood to be spilled on this earth shaking ground. Yes then, I turned away with this smile on my face with this sin in my heart tried to bury Your grace. And then alone in the night, I still called out for You. So ashamed of my life, my life, my life. BUT You love me anyway."

It's hard to understand how a person can still love someone with such intensity even after being put through excruciating pain day in and day out. I believe that's the amazing grace of God. I do not have to fully understand it; I just need to accept it and be thankful for it. 

It's a struggle at times, but we need to remember that only God can refine us. We are unable to refine ourselves so that we reflect him. He is the master craftsman, and He is the one who chose to work with me. 

The Power of a Hug

I'm sure we have all heard of the studies of how touch can really affect the development of infants. Without that personal touch and human contact, the child will grow up emotionally damaged. Studies have been done on children who lived in orphanages or in homes where they were not touched by another human being daily, and the findings were that those children had difficulty thriving. Their development was very delayed as well as their social capabilities. Contact not only enhances the bond the child develops to a person, but it is also soothing to them.
Infants aren't the only ones who needs that human contact daily. Adults can become socially stunted if they lack contact with humans. A hug, whether from an adult or a child, has amazing affects on the human body. I just think of a hug as something that is nice to get once in a while. But, not only can a hug be nice, it can help lower your heart rate, blood pressure, increase circulation, decrease stress by reducing the level of cortisol (stress hormone), and it helps release dopamine and oxytocin (bonding hormones). It also can influence us psychologically. It can bring back happy memories, help you feel comforted, shatter mental blocks, and increase the feeling of acceptance.
I got the thinking about hugs today when I was holding my little guy right before he went down for his morning nap. He looked up at me with his big blue eyes and just smiled at me and then proceeded to raise his hand to my face and gently placed it on my cheek. He then put his head down on my shoulder and snuggled in. All my thoughts of what I needed to do temporarily went out the window as I took in the moment before placing him in his bed. His little hug just made me feel so appreciated and loved.
If you ask me, there is nothing better than the power of those little hands touching your face or those little arms wrapping themselves around your neck or waist. The sweet innocence of children is so comforting and pure.

Oh Ye of Little Faith...

That's me. I like to sit here and think that I have faith capable of moving a mountain, but when put to the test, I fail, miserably. It's easy to say that you have faith in God, but when that faith is truly needed to get through something, it can seem like there is no faith at all. That's where I find myself more often than not as I am faced with the idea of raising money for Kenya.
Kenya... just thinking about that country and the people there that need to hear about the love of Christ and the women and children who need ministering to, my heart breaks and tears begin to well up. I am getting more and more excited about going and ministering to these people whom God loves. I want to watch the eyes of the children light up when they realize that someone who they haven't met loves them more than anything in this whole world. I can't wait to serve alongside other fellow believers building homes or churches or orphanages. It's easy to get caught up in all the hype and forget what is needed to get there...money.
It shouldn't be a big issue, right? Well, that's what I would like to believe. But, instead of pure excitement and anticipation of ministering to these people, my joyful feelings are followed by worry and doubt. I have a hard time truly believing that God will provide the money needed to go on this trip. I have a hard time trusting that he won't let me down. I have a hard time seriously picturing myself on a plane going to Kenya because I cannot fathom where this money is going to come from.
At the same time, I have a hard time imagining putting God in a box and making all that he is small. I have a hard time imagining the God that was creative enough to design each and every being on this earth, let alone the animals, is unable to provide a few measly dollars (to him). And yet, that is exactly what I am doing when I don't put my faith and trust in him the way that I should. I am shoving him into this little square box and am limiting him on what he is capable of doing. I am putting boundaries on God, which seems quite absurd to me! I do this without even realizing it. I say that God is capable of doing amazing things, but when it comes down to actually living that out, I would rather try to put boundaries on God. I'm pretty sure that my "cop-out" answer is the harder route to take.
I need to stop doubting the God that freed the Israelites, parted the Red Sea, caused the sun to stand still, delivered the Israelites into the Promised Land, turned water into wine, healed the sick, walked on water, allowed Peter to walk on water, raised Lazarus from the dead, endured the excruciating death on the cross, and rose from the grave. I need break free from the doubt that I have and truly rely on God and believe that he is the God who can do the impossible.