Knee-Prints

I'm doing a Beth Moore's Bible study called Breaking Free with a small group of women from my church. We're only in the second week, but God has spoken to my heart already. So far, we've been talking about 5 benefits that God extends to his children: To know God and believe him, To glorify God, To find satisfaction in God, To experience God's peace, and To enjoy God's presence.
Day 4 of this week focused on experiencing God's peace. Sometimes I feel like I experience bits and pieces of this and wish that I experienced it more. There were two statements that Beth made that really hit me. "God is incapable of making mistakes with our lives." She was talking about submitting to the authority of God and by doing so by being obedient to him. One way of being obedient is by not letting things from the past or present hold us captive. I often think that things I do are such a mistake or I will make a decision that I felt was correct at the time only to realize down the road it was a mistake. But, the fact that God CANNOT make a mistake with my life is so comforting. Everything, no matter what I do, will work out in the end the way he planned it to. I am reminded of just how much grace truly plays a part in my life. Without it, my life would be one huge mistake. I am becoming more and more thankful that God doesn't just throw up his hands in frustration or disgust toward me. He is the ultimate patient parent, and his arms are always there to comfort and hold me when I need it.
The next statement was "The path to peace is paved with knee-prints." We always take about "Footprints" and God carrying us when we were at our lowest, but I think that along our path there should be knee-prints. Not only does it show us humbling ourselves and being reverent to God, but it also brings a sense of peace. I don't know about you, but when I reach my wits end and I can't go any farther, that's when I fall on my knees asking for help. The problem is, I should have been on my knees way before I reached the end. Pride is something that I definitely struggle with. I don't like admitting that I am wrong or need help. I like to think of it as being a strong, independent woman. And, there's nothing wrong with being strong or independent, provided you're still dependent upon God. It is when I achieve so much, in my eyes, that I begin to think that I don't need help and that I have things under control, but in reality, everything is spiraling out of control. I need to swallow my pride daily and get down on my knees asking for his help, his guidance, and his comfort. The only thing I need to do is surrender everything to him.
I have a hard time with that word...surrender. I don't like to think about surrendering to anything because that means I'm giving up and am not strong enough. I view myself as a failure when I surrender to things. But, I'm actually failing when I don't surrender. I'm failing to allow my God, my Savior the pleasure of fighting my battles for me. I am failing to admit his immeasurable love, perfect grace, and overflowing peace. I am being selfish in thinking that I can't be seen as someone who surrenders because that's a sign of weakness, but it's just the opposite. Not surrendering shows weakness, and it undermines the power of God. By me holding onto the things that are keeping me captive and not allowing God to take care of them for me, I am telling God that I don't think he can handle it as well as I can. How ridiculous is that? My strength or willingness to fight is nothing compared to his abilities!
But, he's not going to force me into surrendering. If I want to feel free to enjoy him and his love and his desire for me to be the best that I can be, then I need to get on my knees in that sand and submit to his authority and give up all control. When I finally do that, He's not going to withhold from me his peace or his comfort or his strength. He is ready and willing to lavish me with all that, but I first need to humble myself and admit that I need it and that he is fully capable of handling everything far better than I ever can.