Back to the Beginning

I love to write.

I am unable to do it often, but I love it. I enjoy staring at my computer with the cursor ready and waiting for my fingers to begin tapping out words.

I love the challenge that comes with writing. But, I think what I love most about it is the ability to unload my mind. My thoughts become a creation. What once was blank becomes full of letters which form words which result in my thoughts. Clean. Organized. Present. I tend to hide my thoughts from others. I avoid confrontation and shake my head ("just smile and nod"), but that's not right nor is it fair to the other person.

So with all that being said, I am taking back my old blog from the cobwebbed corners of the internet not to voice my opinion on crucial matters or stand on my soapbox. Rather, I intend to continue writing about my day to day. My kid filled week, my still new to me marriage, a new dog, and other fun things along the way are just a few topics I'm sure to grace these pages. I love kids and love what I do. They show me more about myself than any self-aptitude test or Facebook quiz could ever reveal. They are tiny yet full of unmeasurable love, frustrating yet wise beyond their years, and not only do they reveal things about myself, but also about our Creator.

I am going back to the beginning- back to where I fell in love with writing. And, I hope that you enjoy what you read and are inspired to live more fully and love more deeply because of it.

Merry Christmas

You never realize how much you miss something until it's no longer there. I'm sure you have all heard someone say something along those lines, and maybe you believe it, but you never really know just how much it's true until you experience it.
This holiday season has been a very different one for me. I work in retail which means this is crunch time for us. Between Black Friday sales to the returns that come after followed by the whole month of December, time just flies. There really isn't time to just sit and take the festivities in. Down time is spent sleeping and trying to play catch up on all the errands that were neglected the day before, and before you know it, you're sitting in your living room on Christmas morning thinking, "Whoa! Wasn't it just Thanksgiving?!" 
...Or at least that's what I'm thinking...
I didn't go home for Thanksgiving. Last time I was home was back in August, and I miss my family. I miss seeing my parents, grandparents, siblings, and nieces and nephews. I've had two nieces born this past year, and I have yet to meet them. Now, I realize that many people have family that they don't get to see often, but I have a close connection to my other niece and nephews so it's hard not to feel like I'm missing out. As I'm sure you can guess, I didn't make it home for Christmas either. {Oh the joys of retail...sighs} New Years is definitely out of the picture too. After all the sales comes all the returns. I am counting down the days til the end of January when I will get to see my family and friends for my cousin's wedding. I am far beyond excited. I cannot wait to scoop up my nieces in my arms and smother their chunky little cheeks with kisses, and I cannot wait to see my Lacie and catch up with her. I cannot believe that she is getting so big and grown up. And Alyx, he is growing so much that it's hard to keep up. Jacob and Micah are growing like weeds too, and I hate that I cannot be that fun aunt who comes to pick them up for the day to hang out. I miss those little moments. 
I miss laughing with them, and it's hard to fight back the tears when I think about all the time that has passed since the last time I was able to invest time in them.
So, that brings me back to my original statement...
...You never realize how much you miss something until it's no longer there...
Time is precious. I know this and have begun to fully grasp it's meaning over the past few years. I have come to accept that there is lapsed time that I cannot get back. I am trying to fully embrace the idea of moving forward and making the most of what I get each day. Today is a day that is typically enjoyed with family, but it's not what makes Christmas special. Family, that's the key ingredient. So, whether you are 15 minutes or 1500 miles from home, whether you are with your immediate family or a friend's (thank you, Britt), the important thing is that you are with people fully enjoying the moments that you are given. 
I intend to do just that. I may not be with my family in person on this day, but they know that my heart and mind is on them. They know that if I could, I would've been up there. They know that I love them and that's the important thing. 
So, on this Christmas day, remember that we are here only because we have been given the opportunity that is life. So, make the most of it. Be thankful for what you have and where you are (even if it is away from family), and choose to have a happy holiday. Choose to invest in the lives of others. We are only breathing because God chose to invest time into forming us. We are only able to feel the emotions that we have because God allowed us to have them.  
Merry Christmas, everyone!

The Monster of the Season

I feel as though the holiday season has turned into this huge marketing monster that pushes sales and drives up debt and overshadows the important things that once surrounded this time of year. Thanksgiving should be a time of "thanks" and "giving," and I saw first hand just how little "thanks" there really is in this world. People were more concerned about the Black Friday deals (most occurred well before that day) and figuring out their plan of attack than being in the moment and enjoying their day off with friends and family. Even some of those who weren't planning on taking part in the crazy buzz of shopping were unhappy with having to be with family or friends.
Thanks to this crazy drive to sell, sell, sell on Black Friday, I didn't get to enjoy Thanksgiving the way I have in the past, and I found myself complaining about it in my head. On a day that should be used to purposefully think of what we are grateful for, I found myself grumbling about my work schedule.
Christmas  is officially 24 days away (yikes!), and though I am not able to make it home (very sad) I am still feeling the pressure to get my Christmas shopping done. There is no need for me to. In fact, I have an extra month or so to get mine done because I won't be able to be with family until February. So, why the need to get the shopping done? Good question. All I know is that the retail world does a tremendous job of convincing the buyer that time is running out so they better purchase now.
I was driving home from work a few nights ago, feeling exhausted from work, and I noticed that people had their Christmas lights out and the simplicity of the red, white, green, and blue lights just made me remember how much I do love this holiday season. Unfortunately, that simple joy is greatly defeated by the sense of urgency to get things done and set. Traditions have gone from setting up the tree, decorating the house, and baking Christmas cookies to scoping out the best deals, hassling with travel plans, and budgeting for the next 8 months as to how it's all going to be paid for.
What happened to the simple joy?
What happened to the feeling of anticipation for the simple things?
What happened to enjoying the day with family?
Since when did retail get to dictate how we celebrate?
Maybe this makes no sense to some who may be reading this, but these are all thoughts that have crossed my mind while folding the same sweater for the umpteenth time.
I love my job and am very thankful for it, and, if not for the holiday hubbub my paycheck would be less, but I hate to see the season slowly taking on a new meaning.
It makes me think...
What traditions are going to be preserved throughout the generations?
What are the kids of this generation going to pass down to their kids?
Will it be how to strategically budget and plan for Black Friday and get all the shopping out of the way or will it be how to make Grandma's sugar cookies and dancing to Christmas music while enjoying the Christmas light's glow?

I feel as though I haven't been able to just sit down and write. Thoughts pop into my mind, and I think about how I should write about them, but when I actually get home, time is ticking and the thoughts are gone. I miss writing. It was so relaxing to just sit and write while the kids were napping, but I no longer have those three hour time spans to think, process, and formulate.
I am now working in an environment that demands my full attention to every detail sometimes for 12 hours straight... details from how many necklaces are on a rack to how many boxes we got in to helping a customer to making sure each and every piece of clothing is in place, not to mention making sure everyone else is doing their job. It's demanding, but I love it. The part that I don't love is how mentally exhausted I am at the end of the day. I come home and just want to stare at the white walls in my apartment, and for those who know me, sitting still is not my "thing."
I want to write. I want to let the words flow and get out what's on my mind, but all that has been on my mind is when's the next floor set? and did we get that piece in yet? I sit down with ideas but those ideas don't come out.
I never realized just how much I enjoyed sharing what was on my mind. I guess it's a way that I felt connected. I don't is an outlet for me to process things, and I guess, until my life settles down into the routine of this crazy work life, I will be popping in and out. I don't consider myself a writer, but one could say that I have writer's block. I hope it will soon disappear, but until then, my posts will be rather sporadic so bear with me.

What if they were just gone?

Do you stop to think about what you are thankful for? Have you ever stopped to think about what you would do if everything you weren't thankful for was all of a sudden gone? And, I don't mean all the things in life that you dislike magically disappearing, I mean all the things that you enjoy in life but don't take time out to say thank you for them. What if the things in life that get you through your day were just no longer there? What then?
This concept of actually stopping to be thankful for things is not a new one, but maybe this will just put a different perspective to it. There are many things in my life that I would be left without. I honestly don't take time out of my day to be thankful for the sunshine that is streaming through my windows in the morning or the cool autumn breeze that stirs up the colors and smells of fall. The birds outside my window would no longer exist and my mornings would honestly be less beautiful to me. I love hearing the different song birds in the morning; they're like a natural alarm clock. I wouldn't have my car (though if you know me at all, you would know there are days when I would be more than a-okay with that). My health, my friends, my music, my apartment, the people in my life that I could not live without, and the list goes on. It's not that I'm not grateful for things, I truly am. I feel blessed to have all that I do and to be surviving on my own away from friends and family that I miss so much. But, I don't take the time out of each of my day to just be thankful.
We are so blessed to live in a world full of beauty and creativity. Have you ever stopped to just look at a weeping willow, a rose, or a blue bird? Each one took time to make and took a creative mind to imagine and then make. The beauty and imagination behind each of us should be enough to stop us in our tracks and just be thankful that time was taken to give us life.
I think it's so easy to be thankful in the good times and for the good times in our life, but what about the other time? The time where we are hurting. The time where getting out of bed is just too hard to do because we can't stand the thought of going through another horrible day. Let's not kid ourselves, being thankful during the "no good, bad days" isn't exactly number one on our thank you lists. And, if it is, I'm sure many of us would question that person's sanity.
I say all this to simply remind you all, as well as myself, to be thankful for not only the big things that we hope and pray will happen to us, but also the little things that are just present in our day but go unnoticed. Don't wait until those things are no longer there to appreciate them because then it might be too late.

Time...

There's never enough, it never goes by how you want it, and you're always left wanting more. We're all given the same amount of time in our day...24 hours. Do you ever stop and think about how you use your time? I'm sure you can rattle off things you do like get up, eat, go to work, shop, etc, but what about all the time in between?
Are there things in life that you claim you would do if you had more time? I know I do, but guess what? We aren't going to be given more time. And, to be quite honest, we don't even know how much time we truly have. Not a single one of us knows the day of our last breath. We can't plan out our whole life because we don't know how long that life will be. Sure, we can plan to get a college degree, land a great job, meet someone, get married, start a family, retire, and live happily ever after, but what person doesn't think about that? I bet every person walking this earth has a plan rather similar to that one. It's the idea that we all grow up with, and I think at times we come to view ourselves as deserving of such things.
If you can't tell, I've been thinking a lot about time. I always wish I had more, and rarely do I stop to be thankful for what I have. But, reality is I don't. I can't count on having tomorrow, just as much as I can't count on the weather report being 100% accurate. Things change, and it all boils down to the fact that we aren't running the show...I'm not running the show. There are things in life that are a mystery, and how much time we have is one of them.
I've wrote before about how it's important to cherish the time that we have because we don't know how much we have left. And, in a way, this post is similar to that. But along with the thought of time being short, i'm trying to remember to not be disappointed with the time I do have. Instead of wishing that I had another hour to chat with a friend or another day to myself, I need to simply make the most of what I do have and be thankful for it. Instead of putting off plans for when the "time" is right, I need to jump at the opportunities that life presents.

Time is a gift...

What are you going to do with yours?

What is it with kids and hiding things?

Thankfully, this is a juice sippy, but it's worse when the milk sippy goes missing. (Might I add that I detest sippy cups with a passion!) Little Man is addicted to hiding things...my shoes, my keys, my wallet, my phone, my sunglasses, his cup, his sister's cup, and the list goes on...

I swear it's to keep me on my toes.